


Behind the Mask.

by Aldyce



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Blood and Violence, F/M, Fake Names, M/M, Medical Examiner Isabelle Lightwood, Murder Mystery, Police, Police Officer Alec Darkwood, Police Officer Lydia Branwell, murder investigation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2020-10-18 08:31:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20636198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aldyce/pseuds/Aldyce
Summary: Detective Darkwood has left everything behind. The old life he knew is gone; replaced by the taste of bitter coffee and the echoes of the holding cells being slammed shut. Joining the NYPD wasn't an easy decision but he knows he can get through it with Branwell by his side. One day changes everything. Forensics are callled and a blood soaked man is cuffed and led away to the sound of blaring sirens.Tables are turned and everything they once knew has been changed.The question is this : When it comes down to the wire, do you ever really know the people you are working with?





	1. Where it all ends (and everything begins).

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is going to be quite the ride, hope you enjoy.  
Thank you @Allie_Enigma for all the help, the betaing and just putting up with me in general. ❤

Alec liked his job. Some days he even loved it. Today was not one of those days.  
His shift had started at six and the headache he had woken up was making his morning hell. Of course, this did not help him in getting along with the idiots he worked with. He wasn't a very patient man on a good day (or a particularly friendly one) but he had been sitting at his desk for five hours doing paperwork and he was looking for an excuse to punch someone in the face.  
Of course, the research and paperwork were what made sure that the criminals didn’t walk. Lydia had been repeating it to him every day since they had graduated from the academy but he hated it. He felt alive when he was in the field; tracking down a suspect or following up on a lead.  
Being a police detective in New York City, one would have expected to see an interesting, (or gruesome, depending on who you asked) array of crimes. But no, Alec was wrapping up an insurance fraud case. The fifth that had landed on his desk that month.  
By noon, he finished with typing up all the details for his case. He was exhausted, but his day was far from over, so he made his way over to the break room for five minutes of peace and a cup of coffee. He should have known that that was a lot to ask for in a police precinct filled with idiots. In Alec’s professional opinion, of course.  
The minute he had sat down on the old sofa, a steaming cup of bad coffee in his hand, a commotion caught his attention from the bullpen. A perp in the process of being led into the holding cell had broken free from the hold that one of the officers had had on his arm and the perp had decided to try and make a run for it. However, not knowing the layout of the precinct, he had promptly ran straight at Alec.  
All Alec had to do was simply extend his arm and block the running perp. Once he had been frog marched back into the holding cell, the paperwork had to be written up on the incident and Alec took it upon himself to explain to the young officer that he always needed to have two hands on the perp he was escorting.  
By the time Alec had made it back to the break room, his coffee was cold and his lunch break was ending, his sandwich still in the fridge... untouched. 

At two, Alec got his first call. A drugstore. A couple of blocks from the precinct. He had a look at the file Lydia handed him. The case looked simple, given that the shop had hidden security cameras, but still he was thankful for anything that would get him away from his desk.  
As he had suspected, the suspect had been caught on the security footage and he knew they should have been easy enough to ID from the extensive tattoos on their right arm.  
By five, Alec had finished the paperwork for his fraud case. Lydia was tracking down the suspect from their drugstore robbery and Alec was bored.  
Alec decided that maybe it would quell his boredom if he could grab a coffee and make his way down to the morgue; maybe see what Izzy was up to. When he got to the break room however, it wasn’t as empty as he had hoped. His colleagues, Aldertree and Underhill, were sitting at the table.  
Alec ignored them as he made his way to the coffee machine. He didn’t know Andrew Underhill if he was perfectly honest. He was a couple of years older than Alec and had actually transferred to the precinct over a month ago. He seemed to get along with Victor so Alec hadn’t deemed it necessary to get to know the man. Lydia may have been right and Alec may have been too quick to judge the man but as far as he was concerned, Victor was a dick and Alec had no intention of playing nice.  
Underhill smiled at him and he nodded back as Aldertree chuckled. It was only then Alec noticed the sandwich that Victor was eating, “Darkwood” written very clearly on the packaging.  
Victor saw him looking and met Alec’s eyes, the challenge in them clear. The two men had never gotten on. Alec wasn’t the type to make friends easy and even if he had been so inclined, Aldertree was the last person he would want to be friendly with. They had first butted heads during Alec’s first week on the job. He and Lydia had graduated together from the Academy and Alec had promised that he would always have her back. When the other cops had started giving her a hard time and telling her to stick to office work, Alec had seen red. Lydia had convinced him that she was capable of fighting her own battles and that it would have only been worse for both of them if he got involved. Of course, after Lydia was done with them, no one had dared make any more comments, not when she could hear them anyway, but Alec still occasionally hear the whispers and crude suggestions of what they would do to the fiery tempered, blonde officer if they got the chance. 

“Hey, Darkwood! You get Lydia to make lunch for you?” Many of the officers didn’t refer to Lydia with her last name, which Alec had confronted them about on many occasions. There was a camaraderie between officers being called by their last names and it infuriated him that the other officers didn’t treat her and also a few of the other female officers with the same respect. “That is one gooood sandwich. Although maybe tell her ‘a little less mustard next time’, okay?” Alec closed his eyes for a second and tried his best to ignore the shout; he really did. Of course, calm thoughts had never really been his strong suit and he settled for kicking Victor’s chair leg as he passed. Watching Aldertree fall on his ass always did manage to make Alec smile and really it was his own fault for always leaning the chair on two feet like an idiot.  
“Fuck you, Darkwood! What kind of name even is that?! Sounds like a bloody porn star!”  
Ah yes, making fun of Alec’s name. It was Aldertree’s go to move when he couldn't think of anything else to say. Alec could say that he hadn’t chosen it but in his case, he had. Not that he would ever tell Aldertree that.  
Giving up on the idea of a late lunch and a cup of coffee, Alec decided to go visit his sister. After all, she was one of the few people who were actually capable of putting him in a good mood.

When Alec had made his way down and checked the morgue, he had found to his surprise that it was actually empty, so instead, he made his way to his sister’s office. The sign on the door still managed to make him uneasy, despite the years that had passed.  
“Hey, Alec! Fancy you coming all the way down here just to see little old me.” Alec would normally grumble that it has only one floor down but Isabelle was beaming so he let her have her fun.  
“Anything to see my little sister.”  
Izzy had been working long hours and the siblings hadn’t had a chance to catch up for a while so Alec decided to stay longer then he had originally planned. He knew Lydia would call him if he was needed. Izzy, of course, was dismayed by Alec’s lack of a personal life.  
“Hey! I have friends! I have you and... Lydia.”  
“I’m your sister, Alec. I have to put up with you and Lydia... well I’m surprised that Lydia hasn’t given up on you. That woman truly is an angel.”  
“Yes, yes she is.” The siblings exchanged a smile, Lydia and Izzy hadn’t gotten along at first but they were the two most important people in his life and he couldn’t have been happier at how close they had grown over the years.  
“I normally put it in a draw when I know you are coming...” Alec looked up from the sign that was on Izzy’s desk. He had noticed it the minute he had spotted it in the room but he hadn’t realised that Izzy had caught him looking.  
“It’s fine, Iz. It’s your name. You don’t have to hide it just because of me.”  
When Alec had changed his name and moved to New York, Izzy had offered to change hers as well but Alec had insisted that she didn’t have to do that. She had joined him out in the city a couple of years later and even though they never mentioned their parents, Alec knew that Izzy still called their mother on holidays. Izzy had promised him that she would never mention where he was to her and that had been enough for him.  
Saying goodbye to Isabelle so she could get back to work, Alec made his way back upstairs. He hoped that Lydia had a suspect from that morning’s robbery because he was bored and he knew that he would really enjoy a chase right about now. 

“Branwell, you got any leads?”  
“Nope. You have a nice grumble with Isabelle?” Alec smiled as he settled at his desk. Lydia knew him too well. No one at work knew the two were related but Lydia and Alec had been friends since high school and probably knew too much about each other’s lives. 

Alec had finally gotten through his pile of paperwork and was waiting for the clock to signal the end of his day.  
Twenty minutes before the end of his shift, Captain Penhallow stepped out of her office.  
“Darkwood!! Branwell! I know your shifts are almost over but I need you guys to check out a call about some sort of disturbance at a warehouse.”  
“Yes, Captain!”  
It looked like Alec would have to wait a little longer to get home. Disturbance at a warehouse normally meant that some kids had gotten drunk and had been simply breaking into abandoned warehouses and leaving quickly when they lost interest. He just hoped that the problem would be easy to solve and he would be tucked up happily in bed soon. 

“NYPD! Come out with your hands where we can see them!”  
They had pulled up in front of the address that Penhallow had given them just as the sun had begun to set . The street was empty and the facade of the building looked like the warehouse hadn’t been in use for several years.  
Alec paused to listen for any sounds, hearing nothing but the faint sound of cars on the main road behind them. He signaled for Lydia to open the door while he covered her.  
The door wasn’t locked and opened easily; a sign that the building had been used for something.  
The place appeared empty. The two young detectives raised their guns and slowly started to check the dark corners of the room, looking for any sign of disturbance or activity, being sure to always have an eye on the other.  
Once they were sure the main room was clear, they made their way to the small office space at the back of the room.  
As they approached the closed door, Alec heard a noise on the other side. Someone was there.  
This time, he opened the door as Lydia raised her gun, ready for whatever would happen.  
“NYPD! Step away from the door and raise your hands!” Alec shouted as he pushed the heavy door open and Lydia stepped into the room. Alec was a step behind her and they both had their weapons raised.  
What he saw, however, was far from what he had expected.  
A man was kneeling in the middle of the room, his hand held over his head. He was in his late twenties maybe, asian or asian descent with long hair, styled elegantly in a quiff on top of his head. Colorful clothes that looked expensive. What caused Alec’s sharp intake of breath wasn’t the rich caramel skin, or perfectly framed figure, but rather the fact that he was covered in blood. The source of the blood was evident, as the man was kneeling in a pool of it and a body lay next to him.  
The body lay face down, dark clothes and what Alec guessed was blond hair but he couldn’t be sure given that it was stained red.  
Lydia rushed forwards to check for a pulse. She shook her head at Alec. The man was dead. 

The next hour was a frenzy of calls as the scene was roped off and the medical examiner was called. As Lydia stayed to coordinate, explain what had happened and oversee the officers that were collecting evidence from the crime scene, Alec cuffed the suspect and drove him to the precinct where he would be interrogated.


	2. Three Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec interrogates his suspect and gets two names.  
His victim and his next suspect, however he should have known that it wouldn’t be that easy.

To the untrained eye, the man sitting before him was the perfect picture of ease. He was slumped in the hard metal chair, a smirk on his face and mischief behind his eyes. But Alec was good at his job and he could see past the carefully created front; delving down into the deep unease beneath his calm exterior; the nervous twitch of the hand as he checked the golden cuff on his ear or ran his fingers through his perfectly styled hair.  
“Mister Bane, I am Detective Darkwood, I will be asking you a couple of questions. Would you like something to drink? A glass of water or maybe a cup of coffee?” Lydia had often laughed that Alec was far more polite to the criminals that he interrogated than he was with the people he worked with but he found that a smile and some kind words were often more useful than threats when trying to get a suspected criminal to talk.  
“Darkwood? That definitely sounds made up. How about I just call you ‘pretty boy’?” Alec had to make a conscious effort to keep an easy smile on his face. He already wanted to punch this guy in the face but the last thing he needed right now was to be charged with police brutality.  
“Mister Bane, you are the prime suspect in a murder investigation. Now, unless you want to spend the rest of your life in a prison cell, I would suggest you pay less attention to my name and start telling me what happened.”  
“But of course, Detective Darkwood. I would hate for you to lock me up. Although I wouldn’t mind giving those handcuffs of yours a whirl...” Magnus accompanied his comment with a wink and Alec was starting to think he would rather be downstairs on Izzy’s table than there..  
“You were found this evening by my partner and myself at the scene of a crime, covered in the victim’s blood and kneeling by his body. Would you perhaps like to confess or at the very least explain to me what happened?”  
“Well, pretty boy, I most certainly will not be confessing since I have done nothing wrong.”  
“My name is ‘Darkwood’.”  
“Yeah, I know that but it is giving me strong pornstar vibes and I was trying to be respectful and all that. It’s bad enough you have the whole tall, dark and handsome think going on, imagining you stripping is a little distracting.” The mischief was clear behind the man’s eyes. He was baiting Alec; pushing his buttons to see what would make him react. Alec had conducted enough investigations to know the importance of mind games... and he wasn’t going to let this potentiel murderer get under his skin.  
One. Two. Three. When he had been a teen, Alec had been suffering from panic attacks. He had been taught breathing exercises. It had been years since his last attack but the techniques still sometimes helped; especially when he was trying very hard not to punch someone in the face.  
“I guess we will see if you are as innocent as you claim. Now please, tell me what happened.”  
“I’m not sure innocent is the word I would use to describe myself but sure, I’ll tell you everything I know... which I have to add, isn’t a lot.” Alec rolled his eyes at the comments but nodded for the man to start his story.  
“The guy you found in the warehouse is called ‘Jace’. We met a couple of times...” Magnus examined his painted nails, lazily. “...But I wouldn’t really say we were friends.” Alec scraped one of the two chairs across and made the other man wince. Alec sat backwards on it and spoke in a spookily controlled manner.  
“And do you know his full name? Any family? Friends?”  
“No, I don’t know his full name. Just ‘Jace’. And I was getting to that, before you interrupted!” Alec sat up and casted Magnus a look, making him cower back a bit. “Look, I only know him through his girlfriend. Her name is ‘Clary Fray’. We grew up together. She moved back to the city a couple months ago and she came with Jace to a couple of parties that I hosted.” Alec lifted his chin.  
“We are going to need contact information for this ‘Clary’.” Magnus bit the side of his cheek.  
“Yeah, of course. It’s all in the phone you took from me.” Alec rubbed his eyes. He was tired and this man was beginning to sap his patience.  
“And I told you that you will get it back if you are cleared. You have explained how you know the victim but tell me this, Mr Bane, if you are indeed so innocent, just about how did you manage to end up kneeling next to his dead body and covered in his blood?” Magnus spoke quickly. His legs were aching from sitting on the chair for such a long time. He was about to make a joke to himself that this detectives lap would be more comfortable than the chair but decided against it.  
“Look...this morning, I got a call from Clary. She was worried. Said she hadn’t heard from Jace in a couple days and was scared that something had happened to him. She gave me his address and I looked around for a while because I was nearby but his house looked totally empty. There was the warehouse next to it and i heard a bottle smash or something so I called Jace and asked if I should go and have a look around for him. He sounded scared and the warehouse was in a dodgy neighbourhood, so I told Clary I would have a look. Even when I got there this afternoon, the doors were shut. I heard some noise again, at the back of the building, so I went to see what it was. I saw the body on the floor, recognised Jace by the hair and ran to help him. He was bleeding a lot from the injury at the back of his head. I tried to stop the bleeding... I really did... but then you guys arrived and brought me here.”  
Alec took a minute to consider what he had just heard. He was normally a good judge of character and the man, although annoying, had seemed to be telling the truth. He would still need to see if his story was confirmed by the evidence and by the girlfriend of the deceased. He definitely needed to talk to her.  
“Thank you for telling me what happened. We will need you to give us the precise times of when you received the phone call and when you arrived at the warehouse. Also, if you happen to have an alibi for the time between those two events. We will be talking to Miss Fray and if the evidence doesn’t point to you and she confirms your story, you will be able to leave. But we may need to ask you more questions so don’t leave the city.” Magnus got up finally, stretching his arms above his head. His shirt moved up slightly and Alec glanced towards the one-way glass.  
“Okay, well, it was a pleasure chatting with you, pretty boy. Maybe next time, we can do it around a drink, maybe a little music?” Alec turned without a word and walked out of the door. He could see the smirk on the other man’s face and feel the heat of his flaming checks.

***  
Lydia was waiting for him by his desk, a file with Izzy’s preliminary results in it.  
“How did it go with the suspect?” Alec scowled and crossed his arms, rolling his eyes when Lydia grinned and imitated him.  
“He is a little shit...but I don’t think he is our murderer... so there's that. Said the vic’ was called ‘Jace’ and he has the number for Clary Fray, the girlfriend, in his phone. What did you get from the scene?” Lydia turned on her chair and passed a file to Alec. He flicked through it, looking at what was written under one of the photos from the crime scene.  
“Not much. We found a lot of fingerprints but none were clear enough to get a match. The blood was all from the victim.”  
“Did Iz give you a cause and rough time of death?”  
“Yeah. Blunt force trauma to the head.” Alec pouted at the picture and nodded his head. “We didn’t find the weapon at the scene and she is working on figuring out the shape and size it would have to have been to match the wound. She also set time of death for roughly forty minutes before we arrived.” Alec handed the file back, standing up again.  
“Okay thanks, Branwell. I’m gonna see if I can get a hit from the vics prints and the name Magnus gave me. Can you call the girlfriend and get her down here?”  
“Oh, you and Mr Bane on first name terms now, are you? Interesting. Well, I’ll be right on it.” Alec did his best to hide his scowl. Lydia was one of the few people who actually still put up with him. It was easier to endure the remarks than snap at her and then have to face her anger and worry about the contents of his coffee when she brought it by later.

***

An hour later, Alec’s computer pinged. The search had ended and the results were in.  
He had ran the prints that Izzy had sent up to him. However, the computer hadn’t come up with a match. It had come up with three…

Jace Wayland: arrested for shoplifting and public order offence.

[ ](https://postimg.cc/pyZY15qy)

The picture matched the man downstairs.

Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern: missing sixteen year old boy.  
[](https://postimg.cc/1fqcH7nc)

Jonathan Lightwood: missing six year old foster child.

[ ](https://postimg.cc/XrCpytPd)

Alec stepped away from his desk as he clenched his hand hard, his fingernails biting into the tender skin of his palm as he tried to ignore the numbness spreading through it. He clutched at his chest, his heart racing as he struggled to catch his breath. He stumbled into his chair, knocking it over and attracting the attention of the police officers around him.  
“Alec, hey! Alec! Look at me! Are you okay!?” Lydia was at his side in a minute, holding his hands and trying to steady him.  
“Can’t breath…” he managed to gasp out the words as the world spun around him and all he could hear was the pounding of his heart resonating in his head.  
“Okay, you’re okay. I’m gonna get you to Isabelle. You just concentrate on breathing, okay? In and out, like the exercises we used to do. You remember? The one you taught me.”  
Alec simply nodded and tried to breathe, letting himself be led by his partner. They had been through so much together and he knew he could always lean on her.  
In. 1. 2. 3. Out. 1. 2. 3. Repeat.

“Lydia! Alec! What’s wrong!? Is he having a panic attack!? Alec, hey listen to me, okay? You’re safe. Nothing bad is going to happen. You are safe. We all are.” Izzy was standing in front of him, hands on his shoulders, forcing him to lean down so she could look him in the eyes.  
“I don’t know what happened. He was just at his desk, then he knocked his chair over and I recognized the signs. It’s been years since his last attack…”  
“Alec, can you tell me what happened? Please, Alec, we love you and we are worried.”  
Alec stared at his hands as he counted his breaths. Finally, the pain in his chest receded and he was able to look up and see Lydia and Isabelle staring down at him, worry evident on their faces.  
“A name matched the prints you gave me. A missing child. A boy that run away from his foster family when he was six.”  
“But isn’t that good? That you found a name?” Lydia asked, obviously confused by the apparent cause of his panic. As he turned to Isabelle, though, she could see it in his eyes. She may have only been four at the time but she remembered.  
“What was his name?” The siblings never talked about their childhood, of their life before Alec had ran to New York. Alec knew that once he said those words, everything would change. He would have been forced to confront his past, the life he had tried so hard to forget.  
“Jonathan Lightwood.” He heard Lydia’s intake of breath at the name, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Izzy’s. Afraid that if he did, the darkness swirling around his mind would pull him under.


	3. Bright Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say the eyes are the window to the soul. You stare into them and you can see everything that that person is. What they love. What makes them angry. But what happens on that day when you stare in and nothing is looking back at you? When you look back through that window to nothing in return? That window that can never, ever, be closed again?

_It was a cold winter day. Alec was huddled under his duvet. He could hear Jonathan in the bed across the room from him. He had arrived a week ago and his room was still being painted so he had been sleeping in Alec’s room. The young boy hadn’t been very happy at the suggestion that he needed to share his room but the other boy was quiet, he kept to himself and didn’t disturb him, so Alec didn’t really have much to complain about._   
_ “Are you asleep?” the voice resonated through the quiet room and Alec turned to it. Jonathan was still facing the wall with his covers over his head but it struck a curiosity in Alec It was the first time the boy had initiated conversation with him.._   
_ “No.” Alec decided to mimic the other boy as he lay perfectly still in his bed, covers up to his chin as he waited for the boy to say something._   
_ “You and Izzy are brother and sister, right?”_   
_ “Yes, we are.”_   
_ “I know don’t have the same parents but do you think maybe we could be brothers as well? I have never had a brother before and I have always wondered what it feels like to have one.” Alec nodded in the dark. “Of course, we can be brothers Jonathan. You live with us now. We will always be brothers.”_   
_ Jace smiled coolly in return. “Thank you, …. Brother.” After that, the two boys lapsed into silence, finally falling asleep._   
_ When Alec had woken up the next morning, the other bed had been empty and neatly made. A single piece of paper atop it._

_“Sorry. I had to leave._   
_ Your brother, Jonathan C. Lightwood.”_

Alec hadn’t seen the boy since that night. Maryse had called the police and declared him missing but they had never found even a trace of him. Ten years later, on the eve of his eighteenth birthday, he himself had disappeared in the dark of night. Telling only Isabelle where he was going; never to be seen by his parents again.

***

Alec sat at his desk, the file open in front of him. A picture of the man, the boy he had called brother, had somehow become open in front of him. He may have repressed most of his childhood but he still remembered the words they had shared that night; mere hours before Jonathan had run away. He had often wondered why the younger boy had run and why he wanted to call Alec brother before doing so. He had never gotten answers to his questions and now he never would, but he would make sure that he would get justice for that scared, quiet, six year old boy.

***

Alec watched from afar as a short redhead girl entered the precinct. Lydia met her at the entrance and showed her to the interrogation room as Alec studied her quietly. He found that you could often tell a lot about a person from the way they held themselves when they didn’t know they were being watched.  
Something about the young women rubbed him the wrong way. Her cheeks were stained with tears, her hands twisting in worry before her. The perfect picture of the worried girlfriend... but it didn’t add up. She seemed meek. Innocent, But Alec could see the power in her eyes. She was dangerous. As if for the fact that if she seemed like a victim now, it was only because she wished to be seen as such.

“Miss Fray, as you know from the phone call you received from my partner, Detective Branwell, we have some questions about your boyfriend, Jace Wayland. We also have some questions about your friend, Magnus Bane.” Alec sat across a metal table from his prey. She tensed at the mention of Jace and again at the mention of Magnus.  
“Are they okay? I haven’t heard from Magnus for a couple of hours and Jace has been who knows where for days.”  
“Mister Bane is in the next room. He was found a couple hours ago in an abandoned warehouse.” Alec paused, thinking carefully about what he was going to say. “I understand this must be very confusing for you and I apologise that I could not be bringing better news. Unfortunately, as we attended a suspected breakin last night, we came across a body that we believe to be of Jace Wayland. This, of course, will need to be verified.” Alec looked down. This never got any easier but he needed Clary to process what he was saying. Even if for the fact that could help prove that she was guilty in this case. It was another opportunity for Alec to watch her body language. Twitches of the face. Glances to the left. All familiar ticks that could help in deciphering guilt regarding a crime.” Alec watched as the woman processed the news. He could see the tears flowing down her cheeks, the acceleration of her breathing. The signs of her grief were clear, as were those of her surprise. And yet, something about her was still making Alec uncomfortable. When Clary had calmed down slightly, Alec spoke again. “I am sorry. I am sure this must be very hard for you but we have to ask a couple of questions.”  
Clary nodded, wiping her eyes. “Of course. What do you want to know?”  
“Mister Bane told us that you called him this morning and asked him to go to the warehouse where we found Mister Wayland’s body. Is that correct?” Clary nodded and Alec wrote something down that she couldn’t see. “If you were concerned about Mister Wayland’s whereabouts, why did you not simply go to the warehouse yourself?”  
Clary breathed heavily, rubbing her head. “Yes I called Magnus. Jace often won’t show up for a couple of days and I don’t always know where he is staying. It had been maybe three days since I heard from him and he hadn’t been answering my calls. I was starting to get worried and knew the warehouse is a regular hangout of his. I had a lot of appointments that I couldn’t miss so thought I would just ask Magnus if he could pop by and see if he had passed out drunk there. I had never expected anything like this to happen.”  
Alec nodded and set his pen down. “Thank you, Miss Fray. I would also like to you ask a couple of questions about Mister Wayland.” Clary looked up at the mention of his name. “When we ran his fingerprints through the systems, we found that he is in the system under three different names. Do you know anything about this?”  
Clary shook her head as she sniffed. “No. No. Of course not. We only met three months ago and he only ever told me his name was Jace Wayland.” Clary glanced towards the door, making Alec narrow his eyes. She said something he wouldn’t expect. Something that chilled him slightly. It didn’t sound like something a grieving girlfriend would be concerned about. “Now I am sorry but I have an appointment that I can not miss and must leave now.”  
Alec stood up, catching her arm before she tried to open the door. “Miss Fray, I am sorry but we still have questions for you…”  
Clary crossed her arms, drying tears and makeup streaked down her face. “Are you arresting me?”  
Alec shook his head. “No, of course not. I mean-”  
“-Then I am free to leave and you can not keep me here.” Clary interrupted him as she stood straighter and straightened out the pleats in her shirt. “Here is the number for my lawyer. Please call them if you have any further questions.”  
Alec took the card from her hand and with that, the redhead was out of the door and making her way towards the buildings exit.

“What happened in there? I wasn’t expecting you to be done so soon.”  
As Alec exited the interrogation room, Lydia came to stand by his side and they watched as Clary Fray exited the building.  
“I have no idea,” Alec replied. “She was answering my questions and I could tell she was holding something back... but she seemed to be telling the truth. Then I asked her about the multiple names we found when we ran the victim’s prints and she announced that we legally couldn’t keep her if she wasn’t under arrest. Gave me a card for her lawyer if we had more questions and left.”  
Lydia tilted her head slightly as they watched out of the window. “Well something is definitely up there. I will look into it. What is the lawyer’s name?”  
Alec glanced at the card. “Never heard of them. Valentine Morgenstern…”  
Lydia took the card from him and glanced over it, thinking with her eyes to the side before they widened and she handed it back. “Okay so do you have any idea why the vic’s girlfriend’s lawyer has the same last name as your vic did when he was reported missing at the age of sixteen?”  
Alec looked at the card in surprise. It wasn’t like him not to have thought of that. “No, I do not. But I intend to find out. I think we should give Mister Morgenstern a call. See what he has to say.”  
Lydia rubbed her hands together. “I agree. You also have Bane to deal with in interrogation room two.” She raised her eyebrows. “I hear he has been asking for you to go and visit him.”  
“Yay, that sounds like fun.” Alec spoke sarcastically. He could still hear Lydia chuckling behind him as he made his way to the elevator. He had just needed to check on something with Izzy so the smartass could make do and wait for a couple more minutes.

***

“Izzy?! You down here?!” Alec could hear the loud music as soon as he started climbing down the stairs. Izzy often liked to listen to music while she worked and Alec only hoped that he hadn’t come down mid-autopsy. That was a mistake he had made for too many times. Also for the fact that the strong beats of ‘Another one bites the dust’ were blasting from below and he had to admit that if wouldn’t have been in very good taste. No matter how hardened the years on the job had made him, finding his little sister’s arms deep in an open body wasn’t something he would forget easily.  
Thankfully, when Alec had walked into the room, the current body on Izzy’s table had been covered and she was dancing around the room, a cloth in one hand and disinfecting spray in the other, going over her work station. She obviously hadn’t seen him come down, so Alec stood there for a minute to watch her dance. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen her so carefree, even if it was in a pathology lab. Their childhood had been a hard one and Alec had missed out on her teenage years; the two having only reconnected when Isabelle had moved to the city at the age of twenty three.  
“Oh hey, Alec! How long have you been here? I didn’t hear you come in…” Izzy spun and stopped short when her eyes landed on her brother who was leaning against the door frame.  
“Just a couple minutes.” Alec grinned in that way that older brothers sometimes did. “I was admiring your moves...”  
“Yeah, yeah. Are you here for a reason or just to bug me?” the words may have been harsh but her smile betrayed her true feelings and she couldn’t hold it much longer, stepping forwards to quickly hugged her brother. Only after Alec glanced at her and reassured himself that she had remembered to clean herself up after her latest autopsy (He’d learnt that the hard way).  
“Yeah, I came to check something for the Jace Wayland case…”  
“Okay, of course.” Izzy smiled sadly. “Alec, you know that you can always talk to me about what happened earlier-”  
“I know Iz, thank you.” Alec placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. “Right now I just want to confirm the ID. I need you to show me the vic’s eyes.”  
Izzy simply nodded as she turned to the body covered on the table. After moving to the side and putting a pair of plastic gloves on, she pulled the sheet down to reveal the face of the blond man. Alec cleared his throat quietly. She pulled back the vic’s left eyelid to reveal the blue iris behind it, slowly turning to Alec who nodded for her to move on to the next. As she lifted the eyelid of the left eye, Alec exhaled in shock, even if he had already known what was confirmed. It may have been years but Alec still recognised the unique mix of brown and blue that the young Jonathan had been so self conscious about.  
Alec breathed out as Izzy pulled back the sheet and went to clean up. “Thanks Iz, I have all I need.”  
“No problem, Alec.” As Alec turned to make his way back upstairs, Izzy called his name and made him turn back towards her.  
“Alec?”  
“Yes?”  
Izzy paused before speaking. “How about dinner, on Friday? You can come over to mine and we will order pizza and catch up. Lydia is, of course, welcome to join as well... if she wants to come.”  
Alec smiled back at his sister and turned, shouting as he ran up the steps. “That sounds nice, Iz. I’ll tell Lydia.”

***

As Alec walked back to the bullpen, he decided to go and see if Lydia had any news and also tell her about Izzy’s invite. He may have been stalling a bit, but he was already in a mood and the last thing he wanted to deal with was the hot flirt in interrogation room.

“Oh, pretty boy! I was wondering when you would be back for me. Was a little scared you had forgotten about me but then I guess that isn’t exactly an easy thing to do now, is it?”  
Alec groaned quietly under his breath, pulling up one of the chairs. “Mister Bane, I’ll remind you that this interview is being recorded for police purposes.” Magnus moved away a little. “Your story matches what Miss Fray told us and so you are free to go. You may be needed for further questioning and so please do not leave the city until you have been contacted again.”  
Magnus grinned, leaning back with his hands behind his head and exposing more than a little stomach. Alec cursed whoever designed these rooms, his mind elsewhere, thinking they were far too stuffy. “Really, hot stuff, you can call me Magnus.” Magnus chuckled, pushing his buttons. “I feel like we have a connection and maybe now that I am no longer a violent criminal in your eyes, we can get to know each other in a more casual setting. Or if indeed, it’s handcuffs and commands are more your style, we could give that a try. I, of course, am always up for trying new things,`` He hissed slightly as he spoke, glancing down and making Alec scowl. Magnus bit his lip and pouted. “-as I’m sure you already know your way around them.” Magnus accompanied his comment with a smirk and wink and as much as he hated himself for it, Alec could feel his checks try and raise in a smile.  
“Goodbye, Mister Bane. I am sure you can find your way to the door. We have your contact information if we have any more questions for you.”  
Magnus brushed past Alec’s arm, making him jump as he turned to leave. “Well then, pretty boy, I await your call with the most greatest impatience.”

As Alec made it back to his desk, he sank down into his chair. The day had been a long one and had definitely taken a turn he hadn’t expected that morning. He loved a good mystery, even if this one did hit a bit too close for his comfort, and Magnus, well Magnus was quite something. Definitely something else.  
“Alexander Gideon Darkwood, is that a smile I see on your face?” Alec glared over to Lydia, who was grinning at him from her desk.  
Alec scowled and crossed his arms. “I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.”


	4. Oh Mother of Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia makes some hard calls while Alec is confronted with some truths he may not be ready to hear.

As they walked into the precinct that morning, Lydia balanced both her bag and the two steaming cups of coffee they had picked up on the way to work when Alec opened the door for the two of them.   
“So what is the plan for today?” They had gone over their plan on the walk over but Lydia always liked to start the day with a clear plan to follow, even if it often went to hell before noon.  
“You know what the plan is. You made it, remember? We call the people who declared him missing, see if they have any information, and then go from there.” Alec shrugged as if it was nothing to him but Lydia could see how tense he was.  
“Hey, I know how hard this has got to be for you. I remember when you first left. All that you did was so they didn’t find you. You are taking a huge risk doing this and I will do everything in my power to make sure you stay safe. I will call her and she will never know that you are here. I promise.”  
“Thank you, Lydia. I trust you and know you will always have my back.”   
The pair separated as they arrived at Lydia’s desk, Alec heading towards the stairs while his partner sat at her desk and pulled up the number for Maryse Lightwood. Alec couldn’t stand the thought of standing next to her as she made the call so he decided to go and see Izzy instead. 

“Alec! Hey, what brings you down here this early in the morning?”  
“Can’t I just come and say hello to my little sister?” Alec quirked an eyebrow, giving Isabelle his best wounded look.  
“Of course, big brother. But you are forgetting one thing…”  
“Oh, and what may that be?” Alec could see how much Isabelle was already enjoying this conversation and was almost regretting coming to hide down there. Almost.   
“You are a terrible liar, brother. Now spill. What are hiding from to be down here with me?” Alec visibly defelled at her words. Isabelle had always been able to read him and he knew she would worry about him if he told her the truth, especially since his attack the day before. Regardless, lying to Isabelle was never a good idea as she always found out and was known to have quite the nasty streak when offended.   
“Lydia is upstairs, calling the people who declared the vic as missing…”  
“Holy shit! She is calling her?! Are you okay, Alec?! I am so sorry that I teased you, you know i am always here if you need to talk.”  
“Yes. Thanks, Iz, but I am okay. Lydia promised that she wouldn't tell anyone about it or that I was here. I just didn’t want to be around when she made the call.”  
“Of course, of course. You know Lydia will be careful. She is family.”   
“Yeah, she is. Now I didn’t just come here to “hide” as you said, I also wanted to see if you wanted to get lunch later. You were right yesterday, it has been too long since we caught up. I want to hear about everything going on in your life and with everything that has been going on, a nice lunch with my sister may be just what we both need.”  
“Oh course, Alec! I can’t wait! We can talk about boys and gossip! It will be great!”  
“Oh, god, I am already regretting asking you.” Isabelle laughed as Alec gave her his signature disapproving head shake.  
“Love you too, big brother. See you in a bit.”

Lydia was sitting down, when Alec had gotten back to the bullpen, thankful her phone was away on her desk.  
“Hey, how is Isabelle?” Alec knew Lydia was just trying to protect her but he was still working the case and they would need to talk about the phone call and about any information Maryse Lightwood may have about the man downstairs and his murder.  
“Isabelle is fine. How was the call?” Lydia met his eyes. She knew it would hurt but she also knew that Alec was intent on following this case to the end and he was strong enough to hear his mother’s name without breaking.  
“It was fine. She definitely remembered me but as soon as I informed her that I was calling in the case of an active murder investigation, she was all buisness. She didn’t ask about you and I didn’t bring you up.”  
“Good. That is good. What did she have to say about Jonathan Lightwood, or Jace Wayland, whatever name you want to use?”  
“Nothing much that I didn’t already know. Not from you telling me what you remembered. He was abandoned at birth at a fire station. No one ever knew who his parents were. He was in group homes or various foster homes until your family took him in when he was six. He was with you guys for a week, didn’t talk much and then he disappeared in the middle of the night, without even a note. She hadn’t heard from or about him since. Although, she did feel the need to add that she had always expected that he would finish up in the morgue when he ran away.”  
“Tasteful as always, I see. Thanks, Lydia, I’m gonna see if I can find anything out about the girlfriend, Clary Fray, and her lawyer.”  
“Sure. I need to find a number for Jocelyn Morgenstern. Maybe she will be able to explain why she has the same last name as the lawyer of our only suspect.”  
Alec nodded as he made his way back to his desk, it was only a of couple steps from Lydia's, and he was definitely intrigued by the Morgenstern connection, but his mind was still reeling from Lydia’s conversation with Maryse. He had never told anyone about the note Jonathan had left him or the conversation they had had that night. He still had that note. It was the only thing he had taken with him that night except for the clothes on his back and the only thing he had kept for the first eighteen years of his life. 

***

As the clock sounded eleven, Lydia and Alec groaned at their computer screens. They had been working for hours with unsatisfactory results. Lydia had found several listed addresses for Jocelyn Morgenstern Fairchild since her divorce three years ago. She had yet to find a current address, or at the very least a phone number that hadn’t been discontinued. Alec hadn’t had much more luck. He had found more basic information on Valentine Morgenstern but nothing that the man would want to hide. As for Clary, she seemed to be a model citizen, despite having no online footprint until she turned fifteen, which he guessed could easily be explained by her parents not wanted her on the internet before that age. Her parents were Alec’s second problem, given that they didn’t seem to exist, for at least the time being, Alec was yet to find any information on either of them.   
“Break and a cup of coffee?” Lydia offered from her desk, having noticed Alec’s frustrated expression.  
“Absolutely. I am just about to punch the computer. You find anything new?”  
“Not since you last asked. This Jocelyn lady either has something to hide or she really values her privacy.” Alec could see that his partner was as frustrated as he was and he knew from experience to ask not to ask her too many questions unless he wanted to avoid a stapler to the head. 

Alec has to physically stop himself from groaning when they walked into the break room to find Aldertree and Underhill already there. Groan or swear, he wasn’t sure which he was holding back but both would have prompted a conversation that he had absolutely no interest in having.   
“Sooo, Darkwood, you are quite the player. Don’t look you have it in you but I guess I misjudged. You come in to see Lydia and then you head downstairs to see the smoking Miss Lightwood. Tell me, is she your little something on the side or do the two lovely ladies not mind sharing? Maybe they enjoy a little girl on girl action? Hmm, they put on a show for you?”  
“You disgusting little piece of shit…” Alec was cut off by a hand on his shoulder, Lydia stepping in front of him. Her face was composed; the perfect mask of calm and control, her eyes as cold as ice and hard as steel. Alec was looking forwards to seeing her destroy Aldertree.  
“It really is unfortunate that imagining Detective Darkwood’s sex life is the only thing that can get that limp dick of yours hard, Victor. You know, impotance is a current problem in men your age. You should probably see a doctor for your little issue, because living vicariously through Detective Darkwood’s sex life, well that is sad.”  
“What?! No! I don’t have any problems…”  
“Sure, Victor, of course you don’t. I am sure you can get your dick up like a big boy. You don’t even need help from your mommy anymore.”  
“Fuck off, Branwell.”   
Lydia turned her back on the red faced man before her, took the hot cup of coffee that Alec was holding out for her and the two left the room, agreeing to go enjoy their coffee and their break on the roof.  
They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, Alec enjoying the quiet and using this time to work on clearing his mind as he let Lydia cool down.  
“Hey, can you be at home friday night?” Alec opened his eyes and turned towards Lydia at her question. She was still looking off into the open sky, but her face seemed more relaxed.  
“Of course, are you going out?”  
“Yeah. I have a second date with blonde fringe guy.”   
“Oh, I didn’t know you liked him enough to say yes to a second date. Good for me. I of course, I am on cry duty. It’s not like I have anything else to do on a friday night.”  
“You are the best. Love you.”  
“Of course. And you make sure to tell fringe guy that is he isn’t the perfect definition of a gentlemen then I will hunt him down and do some permanent damage.”  
“Of course, Alec  
I start all my dates with a good threat of bodily harm. Now where on earth are you going to find yourself a nice, or not so nice if we have similar tastes, man for me to threaten? And I mean one that isn’t already running for the door in the morning.”  
“Piss off, Lydia.” Lydia laughed at the response. It was one she has used to receiving, and living with the man she knew that he didn’t have any problems when it came to picking up hot men in bars but they never seemed to last more than one night. 

***

They had been back at their desks for about forty minutes when Lydia found something.   
Jocelyn Fairchild. An address and a phone number.   
She called the number and after three rings, someone picked up. The number was correct. Jocelyn Fairchild would come to the precinct in two hours.   
With no leads on Valentine Morgentern or Clary, they had nothing else to do but wait for Jocelyn to arrive.   
It was nearly noon and so Alec went to wait for Isabelle at the front of the building.   
She joined him there a couple of minutes later and the two set off to the little cafe around the corner.   
They were seated immediately at their usual seats at the back of the room. After a perky blonde waiter had taken their order, Alec could feel Isabelle’s eyes fixed on himself. He knew she was waiting for him to talk, after all, that was why he had proposed that they get lunch, but he didn’t know where to start. Izzy seemed to sense that or at the very least she knew her brother well enough to guess that he wouldn’t take the first step.  
“Any news with the case?” Alec knew she wasn’t really asking but he appreciated the conversation starter anyway.   
“Not really. Lydia got in touch with the other woman, Jocelyn Morgentern. She is coming in later.” He checked his watch. He knew he had several hours before she could be at the precinct but he still hated having to wait.   
“Good, good. What about you? I know this morning had to be hard.”  
“I’m fine, really. Lydia said she didn't ask about me or you. It is just work. I can deal with it.” He knew this was what Izzy really wanted to talk about and deep down, he knew it was also why he had asked her to lunch. As much as he hated it, he had to talk about the events of the last couple of days with someone or they would consume him.   
“I know you can, Alec, but that doesn’t mean you have to deal with it on your own. Even if you don’t want to talk to me, you know Lydia would listen as well.”  
“I know. It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it. It’s just that I don’t know what to say.”  
“Okay, that makes sense. It is a complicated situation. Why don’t we start at the beginning. What happened the other day with the panic attack? You haven’t had one in years…”  
“Yeah, that. I think it was the name. I wasn’t expecting to see it and it just reminded me of what it was like back then.” Alec raised his hand as he saw Izzy about to interrupt him with a question. “It’s not the same. With you, I am prepared. I expect it. Even if it’s you, there are not any negative memories I have associated to the name.” Izzy smiled at that but Alec could still see the worry in her eyes.  
“Alec, I know we have had this conversation before but if just hearing the name is that hard for you I am more than happy to change mine. You shouldn’t have to suffer just by being around me.” Alec knew Izzy only had his best interest at heart and when she had first found him in the city after she left home, they had considered her also changing her name.   
“No, Izzy, I told you before. It’s your name and just because I ran away and tried to forget about it doesn’t mean that you should too. As terrible as they were to me, I know they were still parents to you, maybe not good parents but still.”   
Their food arrived then, effectively putting an end to the conversation. They ate in silence for a couple of minutes before Izzy was back on the attack.  
“Sooooo, on a different subject, how are things going boyfriend wise? You finally considering settling down and actually finding yourself a nice guy?” Alec dropped his head against the table, a loud bang echoed throughout the quiet room and causing a couple of the other customers to look over at them. Rubbing his now sore head, Alec turned his glare to a giggling Izzy.  
“Have you been talking to Lydia? Why can the two of you just leave me alone? I am doing just fine, thank you.” He hoped that would be the end of the conversation but of course, when it came to Izzy, things were never that easy. Alec was starting to wish they were still talking about the case or their parents.   
“Of course, I have been talking to Lydia. You do know that we are actually friends. Besides, if we don’t worry about your love life, who will? Some dipshit you pick up at a sleazy bar isn’t going to be your soul mate, Alec! You need to stop the one night stands and look for something real.”  
“Nope. No way. I am not discussing my sex life with my baby sister! Goodbye! Lunch was fun! Buuut I need to get back to work.” He could hear Isabelle calling his name from behind him but he had already thrown some money down onto the table and left the cafe before Izzy could get out of her seat. 

***

Having cut his lunch break short, Alec had to wait two hours for Jocelyn Morgentern to show up. Which given his current mood, and his general lack of patience, meant that Lydia was just about ready to shoot him in the head and claim the weapon had misfired. 

Finally, Lydia was saved from the prospect of a life in jail by a call from the front desk. A call saying that Miss Jocleyn Fairchild was here to see her.   
As she went to greet her and guide her to the interrogation room, Alec installed himself in the observation room behind the double sided glass. They had decided that Lydia would probably have a better chance of getting information out of Jocelyn but Alec still wanted to see how she reacted to his partner's questions.   
He had the notes section open on his phone, ready to write down anything he deemed important during the interrogation. Lydia walked into the room at that moment. She didn’t look towards the glass or Alec who was hiding from sight. She already knew he was ready behind it. Behind her was a very skinny and short woman. Her dark red hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail at the back of her head. She didn’t look nervous or at the very least uneasy. Her eyes were fixed. Cold. Alec could have sworn they settled on him through the glass. She may not have been able to see him but she definitely knew he was behind the glass or at least that someone was watching.   
He observed, a frown deeply in place as she sat and let a mask visibly fall over her features and like that, gone was the hardened woman he had been studying a second ago. The woman who was sat in that room now was tired, frail. The face of someone who had nothing more to give the world. If Lydia had noticed the change, she didn’t bring any attention to it, instead leaning back in her chair and planning her first question as Jocelyn nervously twisted her hands together.   
“Miss Morgentern, or is it Fairchild now?”  
“Fairchild. But Jocelyn is fine.”  
“Miss Fairchild, is it correct that eight years ago you reported a missing person? Jonathan Christopher Morgentern?”  
“Yes, yes that is correct although as you said, that was eight years ago. I wasn’t exactly expecting any news now.”  
“You didn’t say what your relation to the boy was and yet you gave his name as Morgenstern. That was your own last at the time, wasn’t it?”  
“Yes, Morgenstern was my husband’s name. Jonathan was his protegé of some kind. I never knew where he came from but one day he just started coming over for dinner. I asked Val where he came from and he just said that he didn’t have any family and needed help. Val always did have a thing for bringing strays home so I didn’t really question it. Besides, he was so thin, I wasn’t going to argue that he needed a warm meal or two. This lasted for a couple of months. Then he stopped coming. I asked Val about it but he said the boy had ran away, that you couldn’t help someone who didn’t want to be helped. Said it wasn’t much of a surprise. After a couple of weeks, I was worried so I went to the police station and declared him missing. I just hated the idea that no one was looking out for him.” the shake of the voice, the emotion of it all seemed very real. Alec couldn’t say if she was lying but she was definitely hiding something. The holes in her story were obvious. He had to think a lie would be better constructed, not that that meant she was telling the truth.   
“So you have no idea where he came from or where he went?”   
“No. None. He was never really chatty, at least not with me. I wish I could help more but I really don’t know much about him.” This had been the answer they had been expecting. Alec could still notice the flash of disappointment in Lydia’s eyes before she moved on to her next question. This case was looking like it was going to be much harder to solve than they had originally thought.   
“Your ex-husband, his name is Valentine Morgenstern, correct?”  
“Yes. However, I doubt he will have any more information than what I have already given you.”  
“Miss Fairchild, do you know anything about a young woman called Clary Fray?” If Jocelyn had seemed in complete control of her emotions throughout the interrogation, her mask broke ever so slightly at the mention of Clary Fray. For the first time since she had entered the room, Alec felt like they had taken her by surprise.   
“Clary? You do mean Clarissa? Clarissa Morgenstern is my daughter. What does she have to do with any of this?”


	5. I won't stop until I find you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec felt a weird sense of déjà vu as they arrived at the abandoned warehouse; different from the one they had discovered three weeks ago but all too similar. This time, it wasn’t just Lydia and him. Captain Penhallow had come with them as well as Underhill and a couple more cops that Alec didn’t remember the names of. They weren’t taking any risks this time. The captain had insisted on bullet proof jackets and the forensic team was ready on stand by if they found anything. With weapons drawn, Alec was the first through the door.

They had been working on the case for almost a week and still had had no real leads. Lydia was trying to stay positive but she could see the effect the case was having on Alec. He always got edgy when a case dragged on and she knew that with this particular case, it was even more important that they find the culprit.  
They couldn’t ask Clary Fray any more questions until they had some real evidence and the search for dirt on Valentine Morgenstern had been fruitless. So, Alec had found himself staring into the bottom of his glass. The dim light and loud background noise were familiar but they did nothing to ease the itch just beneath his skin. For years, it had worked for him. When the itch would grow too strong, the anxiety too overwhelming, this had been his escape. A cold drink in his hand, warm and strange lips on his skin. The shame of the next morning had been worth it for those couple of moments, the instant when it all went away. He could lose himself in his partner. In the sensations. It never lasted long and he had never wanted more than those couple moments of peace but now Lydia and Izzy’s words echoed in his head and he struggled to swallow his sip of whiskey.  
Of course, he wanted more. But would someone actually want him? All of him and everything that he was? The men here; he could see in their looks what they wanted from him. It was safe. The people who cared for him may argue that it was the opposite of safe but if it never became more than sex, he wouldn’t let himself feel, and he would be safe. If no one could get to his heart, they couldn’t break it.  
He finished his drink and raised his head. No matter the conflict raging in his mind, some habits were hard to break, so when a guy smiled at him across the bar, he ordered another drink and went over to him.

The next morning, Lydia was already in the kitchen when he came downstairs. She handed him a cup of coffee but didn’t say anything. Alec avoided her eyes. He already knew what she had to say and wasn’t in the mood to hear it. After a couple of minutes of tense silence, Lydia broke the quiet and Alec exhaled in relief.  
“Izzy called last night. She wanted to know if we were up for pizza night. Told her I would have to check my schedule and that I would let you know.”  
“Thanks. She had mentioned it before but it must have slipped my mind. You home tonight?”  
Lydia shook her head. “Not for dinner but won’t be in too late. You good?”  
Alec sighed. “Yeah, of course. You deserve a life as well. Besides, you work too much, during the day and at home.” Lydia gave him a grateful smile as he leaned over to take her empty cup before walking over to the sink to rinse them both.  
***

It was another slow day. They had discovered that as well as being a lawyer, Valentine Morgenstern also owned a small export and import company, as well as several building down by the docks. They were still looking into his dealings but without any evidence of criminal activity, they were limited in what they could do. Clary Fray had refused to come in for more questions and legally, she didn’t need to talk to them unless they placed her under arrest which to Alec’s annoyance, they no real evidence to do so. 

Alec was rearranging his desk for the third time when someone sat down in the chair next to him. He looked up, expecting to see Lydia, but was surprised to see Underhill sitting there. They had never really gotten the chance to get to know each other. Alec wasn’t exactly chatty and Underhill was Aldertree’s partner so their paths never really crossed if Alec could avoid it.  
Underhill looked down, fiddling with the pen on the edge of Alec’s desk. “How’s the case going? I heard you guys have a hard one.”  
Alec narrowed his eyes. “Yes. it hasn’t been easy. We have a pretty good suspect but no evidence to tie her to it.”  
“That sucks. Had one like that last year. Was sure the guy was guilty but we just couldn’t prove it and he walked. It’s days like that that you hate the job.” Underhill set the pen down and Alec picked it up with a slight scowl, placing it in it’s correct place.  
“Yeah. Yeah. Have had a couple of those days. Really hope it doesn’t happen with this case. I used to know the vic, back when we were kids, it wasn’t long but I hope we can get justice for him, you know?”  
“Yeah I get it mate, we all have cases that hit close to home. I really hope you get your guy.”  
“Me too. Thanks.”  
“No problem, see you around.” Alec leaned back in his seat. He wondered why he had never had a proper conversation with Underhill before. Come to think of it, he didn’t even know what his first name was, the man had transferred over five months ago and Alec hadn’t even bothered to ask someone his name. More than that, he didn’t think he had ever chatted about his case with anyone but Lydia or sometimes Izzy. He loved them both dearly but maybe he was missing the opportunity to have some friends that weren’t related to him or lived in the same house as him. He made himself a note to ask Lydia for Underhill’s first name and to make a conscious effort to talk to his co-workers. Wel,l not Aldertree, he still hated that prick but maybe some of the others. 

The elevator pinged behind him and Alec turned to see who was coming up. He was surprised to see Isabelle standing there, balanced atop some dangerous looking stilettos. She normally preferred to stay down in her office and if she was up in the bullpen now, it must be because she had some news. The official autopsy had been performed the week before but Izzy had told him that she was looking into something.  
She marched past Alec’s office, signaling for him to follow her as she came to a stop in front of Lydia’s desk.  
“You find it?” Alec frowned at the interaction. He had known that Izzy was working on a theory but apparently, Lydia had been given more information than he had.  
“Yeah, it took me a while to be sure but the proof is there.”  
“Would either of you mind telling me what is going on?” Seemingly just remembering he was here, the two women turned to him, Lydia signaling for Izzy to proceed.  
“Okay, so I told you something about the crime scene didn’t seem right to me? Well, I was looking at the photos of the scene and went over there with Lydia.” Alec turned to give Lydia a look but she was ignoring him, poignantly staring at Isabelle so he dropped it and turned his attention back to his sister. “As I was saying, the blood pattern at the scene of the crime didn’t seem right. If my cause of death was correct, and we all know it is, there would have been more blood at the scene. So, I had a look around at the scene and not only was the amount of blood too small but there were no cast-off marks on the walls. A hit to the head with that force would have left some kind of blood pattern on the walls.”  
“So, what does that mean?” No one seemed to notice his interruption this time, Isabelle’s eyes shining bright at having figured something out.  
“It means that our vic wasn’t killed at the warehouse where you found him. Or at least, he wasn’t struck there. I think he was hit over the head with some kind of metal cylindrical object and was then transported to the warehouse while he was still alive but bleeding and probably unconscious.” Alec and Lydia stared at her in stunned silence as she finished. If she was right, this would change the whole course of the investigation. Not only did they have a crime scene to find but there were also some questions that needed to be asked. Was Clary strong enough on her own to transport an unconscious body? Did she get help? Why would the murderer bother with dragging the body to that warehouse?  
If they had been stuck before, this could be just what they needed to finally blow this case wide open. Of course, it would also take a lot of long nights to find the murder scene.  
By the time Alec had broken through from his own thoughts, Izzy had disappeared and Lydia was busy at her computer and already pulling up maps of the area.

***

She could see that Alec was too lost in his own thoughts to hear her, turning to Lydia instead Izzy confirmed what she had known before coming up to talk to the two detectives.  
“It is going to be near impossible to find the murder scene, isn’t it?”  
“Yeah, it is gonna be hard. We will try but at this point have no idea where to start and can’t exactly just start searching buildings. I’ll try and call the girlfriend but don’t know if we will be able to get anything from her.”  
“Okay.” Izzy nodded. “I hope you can find him. I don’t remember Jonathan, not like Alec does but still, I hope we can find whoever did it.”  
“I know. I hope we do as well.” Izzy laid her hand on Lydia’s shoulder before walking off. Her friend worked too much and she worried about her. They needed a weekend away to catch up and drink a lot.  
Leaving Lydia at her desk to work and Alec in his thoughts, Izzy made her way to the break room. Her coffee machine downstairs was broken and she saw no reason to buy coffee when she could just make some there.  
Her coffee was just finishing pouring when Aldertree walked in. He had a habit of hitting on her, despite her numerous reminders, from both her and HR, that she wasn’t interested. She had also heard from Lydia about his latest stunt. You could call her petty but she didn’t like mysoginistic assholes talking about her sex life, especially when they were talking about her, her brother and one of her best friends. All it took was the perfectly placed foot, moved into the way just at the right time and Aldertree was face down on the ground. She weighed her options and seeing the arrogant smirk on his face turned to a shooked grimace was worth any consequences. With a big smile on her face she continued to way out of the room without spilling a drop; the steaming mug of coffee in her hand. 

As a crash sounded from the break room, Alec and Lydia exchanged a look. Neither having any idea what had happened, made their way over to the source of the commotion. What they found there was certainly surprising. Izzy was making her way out of the room, a cup of coffee in her hand and victorious smile on her face. Lydia apparently once again, was faster to read the situation. She replied with only a smile and held her hand out for Izzy to hit. The girls high fived before Izzy continued on her way back downstairs.  
Shaking his head at his sister, Alec walked into the room only to find Aldertree getting up from the floor and dusting himself off. He cut his swing of expletives short when his eyes landed on Alec and Lydia in the doorway. With nothing more than a glare, he turned on his heal and stomped out of the room. Lydia started laughing the minute he was out the door and Alec managed to hold it for a couple of minutes but sound enough, it was too much and he let a giggle or two out, much to Lydia’s glee. 

The excitement died down eventually and everyone got back to work, Alec calling his CIs to see if any them had ever had any dealings with a Jace Wayland. Lydia was over at her desk was tried to get a hold of Clary. As they had expected, she was not taking their calls to their dismay as she was their only chance of someone had heard of him and knew where he hung out. Lydia joined in and after several hours, they finally had something.  
An informant of Alec’s, a low level weed dealer, said that the name sounded familiar. He would ask around and get back to him if he found anything out.  
Waiting for the phone to ring after that was hell but after over an hour, finally it did. 

***

Alec felt a weird sense of déjà vu as they arrived at the abandoned warehouse; different from the one that discovered three weeks ago but all too similar. This time, it wasn’t just Lydia and him. Captain Penhallow had come with them as well as Underhill and a couple more cops that Alec didn’t remember the name of. They weren’t taking any risks this time. The captain had insisted on bullet proof jackets and the forensic team was ready on stand by if they found anything. With weapons drawn, Alec was the first through the door. The warehouse was dark, full of shelved goods and dark corners to hide in. They advanced slowly, clearing each dark hiding place before moving on the next. There hadn’t been any sign of activity yet but Alec didn’t let his guard down. His gut was telling him this was the place they were looking for. He just had to find something they could use.  
Finally, Lydia shouted out. She had found something in the far left back corner of the building. Abandoning his search of the right top corner, Alec jogged over to her.  
There in the corner was a pile of blankets that had obviously been used as a bed, a bag with some dark clothes and a small shelf with a half burned candle, a phone that had long run out of battery and a small book. The corner was also covered in a large amount of blood. There wasn’t any doubt in the matter. They had found what they were looking for. 

They were at the new crime scene for hours, collecting samples and taking photos. The phone had been sent to tech to see what they could get from it. Forensics were running tests on the blood and Alec had his eye on the book. Once it had been dusted for prints and the pages photographed, he went back to the precinct. The book hadn’t been a book at all but rather a diary. A journal filled with years worth of insight into the man’s life; the first entry dating back to when Jace was fifteen years old and the last dated only a month ago. The book had obviously been cared for and was in almost perfect condition. 

Once he had a copy of each page in his hand, he made his way home. He had the next day off and since Alec had intended to spend it on the couch, with his daughter playing hide and seek. Now he would just have some reading to do as well.


	6. The love we deserve.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec hadn’t had a day off in years. Or he had but he had never taken one, at least. That was until Captain Penhallow had threatened to place him on administrative leave if he didn’t take the day off.  
Making his way to his room, he collected the pages he had printed the day before. He decided to get settled in the living room and spend a couple of hours reading the diary entries. With a little luck he would find some insight that would help them with the case. With even more luck, that wouldn’t involve him having to explain his connection with the victim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS :  
Homophobic language  
NSFW and non con behaviour.  
This chapter is a bit more heavy then the others, everything will be okay by the end but some of the stuff can be a little distrubing or triggering.

Alec was used to the busy mornings. He was up at six, followed by a quick shower, and then into the kitchen to start the coffee while Lydia prepared Zoe’s breakfast. Once the coffee was ready, he would pour two mugs. Milk and no sugar for him. Black with two sugars for Lydia. Lydia would go shower and he would wake Zoe up. Get her dressed and fed, then pass her off to Lydia as he himself got dressed. The little family would then be out of the door; they would drop Zoe off at school at eight and head off to the precinct, often stopping for more coffee on the way.

This morning was no different. Zoe was easy to deal with; too sleepy to present any kind of challenge and Lydia was in a surprisingly good mood for the early time of day. The break in habit came when it was time to leave. Lydia took Zoe and the two of them left, leaving Alec alone in the house. He hadn’t had a day off in years. Or he had but he had never taken one, at least. That was until Captain Penhallow had threatened to place him on administrative leave if he didn’t take the day off.  
At a loss of what to do, Alec decided to clean the house. They hired a cleaner to come once a week but he would just have to give her the week off. Half an hour later, the house was spotless and he was once again confronted with the question of what to do.  
Making his way to his room, he collected the pages he had printed the day before. He decided to get settled in the living room and spend a couple of hours reading the diary entries. With a little luck he would find some insight that would help them with the case. With even more luck, that wouldn’t involve him having to explain his connection with the victim.

He had placed all the photographs of the pages in the correct order and stapled them together. Alec flipped to the first entry and he could almost imagine himself holding the original diary.

_June 3rd 1995._   
_ Some people came to see me today. They wanted to adopt me. The man kept on telling me to speak up. That they couldn’t adopt me if I didn’t talk._   
_ After that they just talked to the adults and then left. I guess they didn’t want me after all._   
_ A different lady asked me why I didn’t talk to them. I don’t know. They were asking so many questions and I didn’t know which one to start with so I just didn’t answer any. I didn’t answer the woman either. She wouldn’t understand anyway. She gave me this book. Said that if I didn’t want to talk, I can just write._   
_ Maybe I can write to the next family and they will finally want me. All the other boys and girls are getting adopted but no one seems to want me._

Alec swallowed. This was written almost a year before Jonathan came to be in his life. He had only been five. Alec could remember when Zoe had been five. He had been so scared that his baby wouldn’t let him hug her for much longer. She was starting school and didn’t want to be treated like a kid any more.  
Forcing himself to not go down that path of though, he took a sip of the tea he had made himself easier and continued with his reading.

_December 3rd 1996._   
_ A couple came to see me yesterday. They said they wanted me to go live with them. The people from the group home sent me over today. I think they just wanted to get rid of me as fast as possible._   
_ The family seem okay. They showed me around the house. It was big. They said I would get my own room but if I wasn’t ready then I could have to share with their son for a couple of weeks. I have never had my own room before._   
_ The two kids were fine I guess. The girl is my age but she talks too much. She is just always so happy and fast. She wanted me to go play with her but I didn’t want to. The boy is older. He doesn’t talk as much. Actually, he didn’t talk as much. I like him more. He doesn’t seem as happy as the girl._   
_ I wonder why he isn’t happy. He is warm and looks healthy. He has a family. Someone wanted him. Shouldn’t that make him happy? Maybe I will ask him one day… if they decide to keep me._

Alec remembered that day. Izzy had been so excited. Maryse had made them wear their best clothes and wait in the living room. He had been curious about the boy coming to live with them but he wasn’t sure that he wanted to meet him. He prefered to just be left alone in his room.  
The boy that arrived was tiny. He was the same age as Izzy and about the same height but his arms and legs were so thin that it looked like he was only made up of bones. He hadn’t said much, hiding behind Maryse as she tried to introduce him to Izzy and Alec himself.  
Izzy had gone to grab his arm, excited to finally have someone to play with since Alec never wanted to. The boy, Jonathan, Maryse had said his name was, pulled his arm again from her so fast that he hit himself with it. Isabelle had looked a little disappointed but she had just gone off to play as Alec was told to show Jonathan to his room where he would be staying while they turned the attic into a bedroom. Alec had shouted for half an hour when he had learnt that he would have to share his room but Maryse and Robert had been firm. He would have to share and they refused to hear another word about it.  
As he was showing him around the room the other boy was silent; never reacting to Alec’s words but his eyes never staying still, always jumping from one thing to the next. It put Alec on edge. He felt like the boy was studying the room and everything in it, including him.

Scanning through the pages, Alec frowned when he arrived at the date he had been looking for.

_December 18th 1996._   
_ Alec said we could be brothers. I wish that was true._

That was all. The only thing written for the night he had disappeared. Alec didn’t know what he expected but it definitely wasn’t this. Why had he run? Where did he go? So many questions and no answers. This had been his last chance to answer the questions that had been haunting him for years. Why would he leave? Why that night? After Alec had called him brother, had loved him as a brother, and then woken up to find himself alone.  
‘I wish it was true.’ What did that even mean? Was Alec not a good enough brother? He knew they had both just been kids but the fact remained that he hadn’t been able to help Jonanthan then, and now he was no closer to finding out who had killed him and getting justice for that lost little boy he had called brother so many years ago. A single tear dropped onto the page that was in his hands and he swore loudly, sending the stack of paper flying across the room.  
The front door opened at that instant and Zoe and Kelly, her nanny, stepped in; both surprised at hearing Alec’s outburst.  
He had actually been the one who had needed to pick Zoe up after school but he had gotten wrapped up in his reading and lost track of the time.  
“Oh, hi, baby girl. How was school?”  
“Dad, I already told you to stop calling me that.” He now had two women glaring at him, plus a third if he included lydia who was probably heading back. Before he could apologise, Zoe was out of the room and banging the door of her room closed. Kelly on the other hand was standing by the door, giving him the death glare.  
“Swearing in front of Zoe? Wow, why am I not surprised?” Without another word she turned on her heel and was out of the door. Alec was really tempted to slam the door behind her but imitating his twelve year old daughter wasn’t always the best of ideas so he contented himself with slamming his head down against the cushions of the sofa.  
He couldn’t stand Kelly and the feeling was obviously mutual. She was disrespectful and just a bitch in Alec’s own personal opinion. But competent babysitters (not that he would call her that infront of Zoe) were beyond hard to find and Lydia had made him promise not to fire her until he found someone equally or more competent to replace her. He had looked for about half an hour when the subject had first been brought up but he had soon given up and resolved to just fantasize about firing her.

He could still hear Zoe banging around in her room so decided to give her some time to calm down before he went in with snacks to try and apologize for the nickname that was apparently no longer acceptable.  
Picking the pile of papers from where they had landed on the living room rug, he settled back onto the sofa and looked through until he found the next entry.  
He was growing more and more frustrated as each of the days passed and Jace didn’t write much. Some comments about the weather. What he had for lunch but no mention of where he was or even how he was doing. Finally, an entry dated about a month after Jonathan had run away caught Alec’s attention.

_January 23rd 1997._   
_ It was cold today and I have a hole in my shoe so the water can get in._   
_ I wonder if Alec is cold as well. I hope he isn’t. It was always warm in the house but if Alec is still avoiding Robert as much then he might be outside in the cold. I wonder why he hid? No one seemed to notice him doing it but I did. He was always hiding or making himself small so people didn’t see him._   
_ Maybe he will be better now. They will have more room in their hearts to love him since I left and he can be more happy now._   
_ I hope he is okay and maybe one day he will do what I did and run away. I hope if he does run away, he isn’t cold and won’t have holes in shoes so the water can get in._

Alec felt his breathing accelerate as he read Jonathan’s words about him. The boy had never really said much to him, except on that last night, and he had never known that he had been paying so much attention to him.  
Of course, at that age he hadn’t started thinking about running yet. He would dream of escaping. Of being taken away in the middle of the night and living out his life in a perfect world where no one shouted. Where no expectations were pushed upon him. Actually, leaving hadn’t become a real thought until he had reached sixteen. And even then, it took him two years to finally do it.  
Reading Jonathan’s take on that time and reliving those memories, he couldn’t stop his mind from shifting back to that night. The night he tried to forget everything that had happened and yet he could never forget.

_He had gone straight to his room after school. He hadn’t spent time in the living room willingly in years. Lydia was supposed to come over in an hour to study. She had just had to go home and clean her room first._   
_ They had been dating for six months. They had been best friends for years and at first it hadn’t been too bad. Alec had made his choice. He would fit in, get a girlfriend and keep his parents happy until he could leave for university._   
_ At least that was what he told himself. He could just hang out with Lydia, kiss her sometimes, and everyone would be happy and would leave him alone. In truth, he was miserable. He woke up every morning dreading when the day when come and lay awake at night dreaming of a different life._   
_ But it had worked. Robert left him alone and Maryse had sighed and hugged him when he said Lydia was his girlfriend. It was all looking up until Lydia had arrived at his house that night, crying. Her period was late and she had taken a test. She was pregnant. The words just washed over Alec. He was numb. This couldn’t be true. He knew they had had sex but he could barely remember that night. He had had a particularly bad fight with his dad and had ran off to meet Lydia at a party that a guy from school was throwing. As soon as he had arrived there he had started drinking. Some guys from the football team had given him some weed to smoke and after a while he had found himself in a bedroom with Lydia. She was also drunk and Alec could still hear the ringing of his father’s words in his ears despite the fog that had settled over his brain._   
_ “Be a man!”_   
_ “You disgusting faggot!”_   
_ “Be a man!”_   
_ Be a man. And so he had. He had lived one of his worst nightmares and slept with Lydia. Something that would have made any guy at his school ecstatic. But he wasn’t. As soon as she had fallen asleep, he was getting dressed and heading out of the house. The cold night air helped calm the spinning of his head but he was sure that he wanted to sober up. He wanted to cry, to scream, to run, until he couldn’t run any more. Be a man. No, he couldn’t do any of those things. He had to be a man. And so, he went further. He had a shower, got into bed and sent a message to Lydia._   
_ “I love you <3”_   
_ He went to sleep, hoping that maybe, in the morning, he wouldn’t feel as if the words had been life sentence._

_Now, it seemed that they had been. Lydia was pregnant. He had to stay with her. Be a father. Be a man. First however, he had to calm his crying girlfriend down._   
_ It took twenty minutes for Lydia to calm down. Her parents didn’t know yet. They were religious and would have disowned her if she had terminated the pregnancy._

_The silence was deafening. He had asked Maryse and Robert to come into the living room. Izzy had already been there. Lydia had been shaking as she stood next to him. Alec didn’t shake. He didn’t want to cry anymore. He didn’t want anything anymore. This was his punishment. He had lied so much, to his friends, to Lydia. And now he was being punished for it. It was his fault._   
_ The silence was broken by the sound of laughter. All eyes turned to Robert who was laughing, his head tilted back and his hands over his stomach._   
_ “This is perfect! Just perfect! I knew there was still hope for you, boy!” Alec simply stared as his father congratulated him. How could this be a good thing? This was his punishment._   
_ “Come here, darling, let me hug you!” Lydia seemed just as shocked as Robert pulled her into his arms. She let him do it, limp in her surprise. “I knew you were a good one! The minute I saw you! I knew if anyone could do it, it would be you. Fucked the gay right out of him! Good job!”_   
_ Alec’s mind went blank as the words sank into his mind. This wasn’t his punishment. This was his hell. He had done everything his father had told him to do. He had ignored every fiber of his being. He had gotten a girlfriend. He had told her he loved her. He had done it all because his dad had told him that was what he had to do. It hadn’t been enough. It never would be. His hell would never end. He was trapped._   
_ His feet were moving, he wasn’t in control of his body anymore. Three screams sounded and arms grabbed him from all sides._

“Alec! Hey, can you hear me?” He jumped. Lydia was standing in front of him. She wasn’t the scared eighteen year old girl who had stood next to him all those years ago. She was older now, a mother, his work partner.  
He couldn’t look at her. He couldn’t be in this house with his daughter in the next room. Not now. He had to get out. Had to breathe.  
“I have to go. I will be back later.”  
“Alec, please don’t do this. You deserve to be happy.” Alec heard her but he couldn’t allow the words to sink in. He needed to get out. He was out of the door and wishing he had grabbed a coat the very minute the cold night skin hit his exposed arms.  
Soon enough, he could see the familiar light of the Hunter’s Moon. They sometimes had live music on Friday nights that drew a bit of a crowd but at eight PM on a thursday, it was quiet and Alec quickly found a seat at the bar.  
He ordered his usual and drank it before the bartender had left. He gave him a look when Alec ordered a second drink but didn’t say anything, leaving and preparing it for him.

By the time he had emptied his fifth glass, the bartender was considering cutting him off for his own safety. Echoes that had danced in his head had quietened to whispers; the words he had been hearing on repeat were easier to ignore. It was this quiet that he had been so desperately looking for but in the absence of memories, he didn’t feel any lighter. He just felt empty. He could block out the shouts, ignore his past, but it wouldn’t change the truth. He was broken, damaged, and nothing he could ever do would change that. His only option was to numb it, fill the void with alcohol and maybe, just maybe, for a couple of minutes it wouldn’t hurt as bad.  
He looked up from his drink when someone sat down in the seat next to him. The man was tall, not at tall as Alec, but still taller than the average man. His dark hair and light eyes would be described as attractive by anyone who saw him but something about his smile made Alec uneasy. It wasn’t warm or genuine but full of want and something darker that Alec couldn’t quite place. He winked at Alec and ordered two drinks. Alec took the drink and swallowed it without bothering to ask what it was. He knew that look. He himself had given it to men sitting alone in bars. He hadn’t come out tonight with a plan but maybe a quick fuck would help with the empty feeling that was eating him up.  
When the man stood up, his drink untouched on the bar, Alec watched him make his way to the bathroom, pausing at the doorway to catch his eye. Alec reached for the drink left undrunk and downed it in one. It burned as he swallowed it but he didn’t care. He followed the guy into the stall that was in the back of the men’s bathroom.  
As soon as the door closed behind him, the man was at his throat, leaving marks and bites. As much as Alec tried to get lost in the sensations, he couldn’t. The lips too insistent at his skin, hands holding his hips in too harsh of a hold. Alec shook his head. What had he expected? Gentle kisses and loving caresses? No, this was just another bathroom hookup. He was just a piece of meat to his guy; a warm mouth to make him feel good. He had accepted that years ago and this was the role he had chosen to play. And so, he sank down to his knees, the movement dislodging the man’s lips from his neck. His hands shook as he undid the other man’s fly.  
The heavy weight on his tongue felt familiar. A ritual he had been keeping secret for years. The hard floor under his knees, his lips stretched wide around the cock in his mouth. He remembered a time when he loved it. A time when he had been discovering himself and found temporary freedom in the act. But now, as he concentrated and tried not to gag as his nameless partner threaded his hands into his hair and thrust hard into the back of his throat, his eyes stung and he wondered when his life had taken the turn that had landed him here. The other man pulled back to come hard into his hand, drops falling onto Alec’s face. He wiped them away immediately as he got back to his feet. As the other man was putting himself back into his jeans, Alec realised he hadn’t even gotten hard.  
“Let’s go back to my place.” Alec tried not to recoil as the man hissed the words next to his ear. At this point, he just wanted to be home. To be alone. At the thought of home, he heard Lydia’s words once again. You deserve to be happy. Happy. Had he ever really been happy? He had felt joy, love even, when his daughter had been born. He loved Isabelle and Lydia, would give Zoe the world, but still somehow that wasn’t enough to make him truly happy.  
You deserve to be happy. The words promised a hope that Alec would love to believe to be true. He wished Lydia had been right but deep down he knew she wasn't. He nodded at the man and followed him out of the bar.  
The cold air hit him hard. He was still only dressed in the thin cotton shirt he had been wearing to lay around the house. The sudden cold made him shiver but it didn’t sober him up. On the contrary, his head had started spinning so bad that he was scared he would fall. He wished he could just sit for a minute and concentrate on stopping the spinning.  
He could see the car that was obviously his next destination and he knew he didn’t want to get into it. He stopped in his tracks, the man walking a couple steps behind him. A hand grabbed his elbow and pushed him forwards. The grip was tight and Alec started to feel panic rising.  
“Wait…” Alec tried to protest, his voice rough from the abuse his throat had just suffered.  
They had just gotten to the black car when a shout sounded behind them.  
“Hey!” The pair turned to see a third man coming towards them. Alec couldn’t recognize him but was sure he had seen him before.  
“Are you okay there, mate?” as the man arrived in front of him, Alec was sure they had met before, noticing he was staring at him waiting for an answer to his question. He considered it quietly.  
“I…uh...”  
“Hey, why don’t you leave us alone and mind your own business?!” The man let go of Alec’s elbow as he turned to confront the newcomer. Alec slumped against the car behind him, the lack of support no longer keeping him upright. He was so tired and just wanted to sleep.  
“I am not going to leave you! At least not until he lets me know that he actually wants to be getting into that car with you.” As the man stepped to the side to get a better look at Alec, and try and meet his unfocused eyes, Alec knew where he recognised him from. Magnus. The flirty witness from his case. He didn’t know what he saw in his eyes but he hoped that he had gotten his message across.  
To both Magnus and Alec’s surprise, the man simply laughed at Magnus’s words.  
“What?! You’re worried about his little whore? Trust me, we are just fine and he desperately wants it. You should have seen him ten minutes ago, on his knees with those pretty lips of him around my cock.”  
“I don’t give a shit what he did ten minutes ago. If he doesn’t want to go with you now then I am sure as hell not going to let you force him into it. Look at him!" Magnus' voice shook. "He is barely conscious!”  
“Who the hell do you think you are?! I am sure as hell not going to have some random fag tell me what bitch I can or can not fuck! Now get out of my way, before I make you!”  
“Okay, this conversation is over!” The movement had been too quick for Alec to follow but Magnus struck hard and fast, the man falling to the ground.  
“Are you okay?” Alec didn’t know if Magnus recognised him or if he was just a generally good guy but despite which one was the answer he forced his lips to curve into a weak smile.  
“I am now. Thank you.”  
“Of course. You looked like you needed some help and so… I helped. Now, let’s get you home.” The man made him feel safe and as he extended an arm out to Alec, he took it and stepped away from the car, leaning against Magnus’ side. He knew Magnus had asked him a question but his head was just so heavy and he slumped in his arms, asleep before his head could even land on Magnus’ shoulder.  
“Okay, Detective Darkwood, I got you. Come on, let’s get you home and we can figure out what happened in the morning.”

Magnus lived just opposite the bar and although the man in his arms was very tall, it wasn’t too hard to get him across the street and into his apartment on the second floor. Thankfully, the elevator had been working for once. He might not have been the most graceful maneuver but he got the sleeping detective safely into his bed before simply taking off his shoes and covering him with a heavy blanket and backing out of the room.  
He paused in the doorway to watch him for a second. He had seemed so strong and sure of himself when they had first met but seeing him now, he was broken. The shell of a man who had given up.  
As Magnus tried to make himself comfortable on the living room sofa, he couldn’t help but wonder what could have happened to break a man as strong as Alexander Darkwood.


	7. A lonely road.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up in a strange bed, Alec realises he needs to make some changes but also that he is going to have to reach out to the people who care about him and ask for help. However before that can happen, Isabelle found something and there may just be a new break in the case. Is this what they needed to solve Jace’s murder?

He could only see darkness when he opened his eyes. His head was heavy, his lips dry and his head pounding as if he had been hit with a sledgehammer. The ringing in his ears grew until he realised it wasn’t simply his head but his phone, still in the front pocket of his jeans, vibrating. He fished the phone out, the call had ended. The display screen displaying he had five missed calls from Lydia.   
He was about to call her back when he heard banging from the next room. He wasn’t alone. As soon has that thought settled, another became painfully obvious, he didn’t know where he was. He remembered flashes of the night before. He remembered the memories, the screams just as loud as they had been that night. He remembered running from Lydia, he had ended up at the bar, after all, where else would he go? After that the night had been a blur, he drank, a lot, apparently, desperately wishing he could just be numb. That he didn’t have to feel anything any more.   
He remembered the cold floor beneath his knees, the hard touches against his skin.  
He remembered the cold metal of a car against his back and raised voices. He remembered a man.  
As the memories of his night started to make more sense, the door to the room he was in opened and a man stood in the entrance. Alec’s first reaction was to panic, to get out of this bed he didn’t remember getting into. But then he caught the other man’s eyes. The warm brown depths that were familiar and strangely comforting. Magnus. He had flirted with him shameless when they had first met and then last night, he had been there. He had intervened and rushed to his help, doing something when most people would simply look away.   
"Hi, you're up. I was worried and I could hear your phone ringing. Didn't want to wake you." he was smiling as if this whole situation was perfectly normal. Alec knew that nothing about that nothing this was normal but he couldn’t help but relax. Something about the carefree smile on the other man’s face made him believe it was all okay.  
“Thank you. It's Magnus right? I interrogated you at the police station?"  
"Yep, same person." Alec nodded, he knew who he was but the confirmation had given him a couple more minutes to collect himself, to adapt to this situation. He realised that although he had pieced together most of the events of the previous night, he still didn’t know where he was.  
"About last night, I am sorry that you had to get involved…" he wasn’t sure what he had been trying to say but his attempt was halted by Magnus who raised a hand and cut him off.   
"Hey, don't even mention it. We all have our own stories. You needed help and so I helped you. You wouldn't wake up to tell me where you lived so just let you sleep it off at my place." At least that explained where he was and how he had gotten here but he still felt like he needed to apologise. To thank him for going to such lengths for him.  
“Really thank you, you didn’t need to do that…” his attempt was interrupted once again, not by Magnus this time but his phone ringing with another call from Lydia.   
“Shit! Lydia!” Magnus was already nodding for him to take the call when he looked to apologise for the interruption. He smiled back and answered the call.  
“Lydia, hi. I’m here.”  
“Oh my god Alec. I was so scared! Are you okay? You were so upset last night and I should have never let you leave like that and then when you didn’t come home… and this morning, I have been calling you for over an hour,” Alec could hear the fear in her voice, the panic that she was trying to hide. He could only imagine how worried she must have been and he hated himself for doing that to her.  
“Lydia. Lydia, I’m okay. I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have left like that and I absolutely should have texted you. I screwed up, bad. But I am okay now, I promise I am safe and I will be home soon, okay?” He looked up to see if Magnus was still in the doorway but he was nowhere to be seen. Alec couldn’t help but wonder how much he had heard.  
“Okay, yeah. I am glad you are safe.”  
“I’ve got to go now. I will be home soon and when I am, I think I am going to need your help with something…”  
“Of course Alec. Anything you need. I’ll see you in a bit.” Alec said his goodbyes and ended the call before climbing out of the bed. He was still dressed in his clothes from the day before and he could see his shoes on the floor by the door. Grabbing the shoes, he made his way out of the room.

The room he had stepped into was an open living and kitchen space. Magnus was in the kitchen, busying himself making coffee. He turned when he heard Alec’s footsteps behind him. He held a cup out to him but Alec shook his head at him. He had already slept in his bed, he could wait until he was in his own home to have a cup of coffee.  
“You all good?” Magnus had placed the cup on the counter and was looking at the phone in Alec’s hand.  
“Oh yeah, it was just my partner. She was worried because I didn’t go home or text.”  
“That makes sense. I should have thought to look for your phone last night.”   
“You did more than enough and definitely more than most people would have done. Truly, thank you for last night. For intervening and for letting me sleep in your home. You didn’t have to do any of that and I am very thankful that you did.”   
“Of course. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but you looked like someone with a lot of pain and looking for an escape. I am not judging, I have been there myself and when I had the opportunity to help, I took it. Hopefully you won’t have to go through all I did.”  
"I have been having a bit of a hard time of it, it's complicated and last night, well I hit a low that nearly ended really badly. I don't want to be in that kind of situation again and I’m going to make some changes in my life to make sure it doesn't happen again."  
"I am glad to hear that Alexander and hope it goes well for you. But if ever you have a bad day or something goes wrong, please take my number and know that you can call me and I won’t judge. I know you don’t know me and have people you can lean on but it isn't always easy being at your lowest around the people who love you."  
"Thank you, Magnus. For everything." Magnus' hand moved, laying on the counter, as Alec put the business card Magnus had handed him into his pocket and quickly placed his hand on Magnus' leaving it there for a second before removing it and making his way to the front door.

The sun was just peaking over the top of the tall buildings. He hadn’t thought of checking the time, pulling his phone out now he realised it was just past seven o'clock. That made sense, Lydia must have started calling when she woke up at six and realised he had never gone home. Pulling up the GPS app on his phone he looked up just where he was. To his surprise he was only a minute away from the bar and only a twenty minute walk from his house. At least that explained how Magnus had managed to get him home if he had been unconscious.   
The air was cool and the gentle warmth of the rising sun welcoming given his continued lack of a jacket.  
When he opened the front door of his house, two heads immediately turned towards him. Zoe turned back to her breakfast after flashing a tired grin, she wasn’t much for displays of emotion before ten. Nevertheless he walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug, holding her safe against him until she shrugged him off so she could go back to her breakfast. Lydia’s eyes hadn’t left him since he had stepped into the room. He knew he owed her an explanation but the conversation he had decided to have when he had been at Magnus’ now seemed impossible. 

He met her eyes for a minute and shook his head, she smiled and turned back to the coffee machine that had just finished making her a cup, as much as she was scared and wanted to make sure Alec was okay, she knew him well enough to know that he would talk when he was ready and not a minute before that.   
Half an hour later, after a burning shower and a couple cups of coffee, the pair were dropping Zoe off at school and heading to work. A passer by may have just seen two people, a couple maybe or just good friends talking together, both lost in their own thoughts but for Alec, this was a moment of calm to prepare. To face the reality of the decision he had made, it meant everything. People like to say that asking for help is the hardest thing to do, but it is also the first step of recovery. Alec had hit his rock bottom and hopefully with Lydia’s help and support, he could start working his way back to the surface. 

The precinct was a flurry of activity when they arrived, with all that happened the day before, Alec had forgotten about the major break in the case that had been the discovery of Jace’s crime scene. The previous day had been spent cataloging all the new evidence and running tests.   
When they arrived, Izzy was already at Alec’s desk, waiting not so patiently for the detectives.   
“Guys, I have been waiting forever! What took you so long to get here? Nevermind, I found something.”  
“We are here now. What did you find?” it was Lydia who answered and Alec was thankful, his head was still reeling and he needed to focus on the case and not his own personal problems. 

This was the break they had been hoping for, the evidence they needed to blow the whole case open. Izzy had found a hair, a single hair under all the blood. The hair hadn’t been the golden blonde of Jace’s hair, it was red. A very particular color that Alec recognised immediately.  
“Looks like we now have that evidence we need. Let’s give Miss Fray a call.”   
“I’m on it, maybe you could try and keep the gloating down to a minimum, at least while she is here.”  
“I will do my best but you know I can’t make any promises” despite his remarks he was still a little nervous about this interrogation. He had felt that something was off with Clary when they had first spoken but even now that they had evidence that could possibly tie her to the crime scene. However the only way they could actually prove anything was if Clary accepted to do a DNA test and if the hair was hers, the chances of her accepting to do that were very slim. But if she did and ended up not being a match, where would that leave them and the investigation? 

An hour latter Alec was pacing, they had agreed that Lydia would talk to Clary since she may have a better chance getting her to open up.   
Despite that, Alec was lurking, waiting for a chance to observe when she arrived and was led to the interrogation room.   
The woman who arrived ten later was a far cry from the strong, dangerous even woman he had talked to only a couple weeks ago. Of course he could still see it hidden beneath the surface but it wasn’t what first caught the eye anymore. She looked tired and worn, as if she had aged ten years over the past week.   
Before stepping into the room where Lydia was waiting for her, she turned to look around the busy precinct. She caught Alec’s eye, just for a second but look enough for him to know she had caught him watching. He didn’t see anger in her eyes though, or guilt. Instead just for a second, he saw fear. It was gone almost as soon as it showed, too soon for anyone else to see it, but Alec was sure. She was definitely hiding something, but he had a feeling there was more to the story than he knew.  
He watched from his desk as Lydia escorted her out of the building twenty minutes later before coming over to stand by his desk.   
“How did it go in there?” he could see from her expression that the talk with Clary hadn’t gone as she had hoped. She didn’t seem especially angry or frustrated but rather confused and deep in thought.   
“I don’t really know. She accepted the test and I sent the sample to Iz already, but that’s why I’m unsure. She is definitely hiding something but why accept the test if she killed him. She has already shown us that she is smart and knows her rights. We couldn’t have forced her if she didn’t want to take it.”  
“Well at least we got the test, maybe it will tell us something or at the very least eliminate her as a suspect, although I don’t know where that will leave us and as you said, she’s definitely hiding something. Did she seemed scared to you?”  
“It’s hard to tell, she hides her emotions well but yes, I would say that she seemed scared maybe even paranoid. Even if she isn’t the killer, something is going on here and I want to know what.” 

Izzy needed twenty four hours to get the results of the DNA test on Clary so Alec and Lydia where actually done for the day at six. Alec was silent on the way home, he had already decided to talk to Lydia, they had been too busy at work but Zoe was at a sleepover and it was just the two of them at home.  
“I’ll cook tonight. You deserve a night off.” The decision was sudden and said a little too loud and fast but Lydia didn’t seem to notice or if she did, she didn’t comment on it.   
“Sure, thanks.” she smiled gratefully and they continued the short walk to their apartment in a comfortable silence.

Alec prided himself on being a pretty good cook, it was one of the only he had enjoyed doing with his mother when he was a kid and since Lydia didn’t much enjoy it, when he had the time and motivation he tried to make something nice and special for his family.   
Tonight was a little different, of course he wanted Lydia to be able to enjoy one of the few nights she didn’t have to be on mom duties, but he also wanted a proper meal so they could sit down and he could tell her what he had been thinking about all day.   
His phone vibrated from the counter, wiping his hands on the towel next to him he reached over to grab it, a smile already tugging at the corner of his lips. He laughed softly at the message before typing back a quick reply, his good mood making him a little more teasing then he normally would dare be.   
His tomato and basil sauce was ready and his pasta was just finishing cooking when Lydia walked into the kitchen, lured out of her room by the smell of food.   
“Smells good. Want me to set the table?”  
“Sure, just leave the plates on the counter I will plate the pasta here.” Lydia nodded before setting cutlery on the table and filling two glasses up with water as well as the bottle of wine Alec had put out on the counter to go with the pasta.   
“Fancy.” Alec ignored the comment as he drained the pasta and mixed it in with the sauce, cooking had calmed him down but now that everything was ready, he was nervous again.

He waited until both their glasses of wine where empty to start talking. They had been chatting about Zoe and some guy Lydia had seen a couple times throughout dinner but as the meal was coming to an end and a comfortable silence had settled between them, Alec knew it was his time to talk.   
“Lydia.” At the mention of her name, Lydia put down her fork and looked up, the serious look on Alec’s face was enough to tell her this was important.  
“I wanted to talk to you about last night.”  
“Alec, I know I was upset this morning but you are an adult, you don’t have to tell me where you go or what you do. I am sorry if I was too pushy.”   
“No Lydia, that’s not the problem, actually it is the opposite. Reading Jace’s diary brought back some memories of when he lived with us and when he was at that house. I got upset and wanted to get away. I ended up at a bar and drank too much. I was in a dark place and made some stupid choices. Things got out of hand but a guy stepped in to help me out and then I passed out and he lived next door so he let me sleep it off on his sofa.” He could see Lydia was upset once again and he wasn’t sure why he was keeping back some details from her but he had told Lydia all she needed to know and some of the details from his time at Magnus’ just felt personal.   
“Oh my god Alec, I didn’t realize that happened. I knew you were upset when you left but I just thought you had hooked up with some guy and didn’t want to text me back because you were upset. Are you really okay?”   
“Yeah Lydia I am fine but it made me realize… that I have a problem. I think last night was my rock bottom and I don’t want to risk things really going wrong. You know that I drink more than I should and sleep around, I don’t want to live like that anymore. Do you think you could help me?”  
“Oh Alec. of course I will help. Whatever you need,” before Alec could answer Lydia was up from her seat and hugging him tight. Telling her about what had happened had been hard and he didn’t like discussing himself but he was glad he had done it and maybe now, things would be better. He had people who cared and a daughter he loved more than anything, and he refused to lose them just because he couldn’t love himself as much as he loved them.


	8. Walking Home to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wasn’t sure how long he talked but he was sure it was more than he had in the past year. He felt pleasantly light as he stepped out into the bright sunlight, the sun having come out from behind the clouds that it had been hiding behind all week while he was in the office. They hadn’t talked about his parents, the drinking or the sex problems, but still he felt as if a load had been lifted from his chest. He had a second appointment set for the following week and maybe then he could start talking about some of the darker moments of his life. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe she could help him.   
While he was still feeling light and rarely optimistic for the future, he pulled out his phone. Before he could talk himself out of it, he hit dial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been more than a while since I updated, it has been exam period at uni and I have been running myself into the ground but I will be on holiday next week and hopefully writing a lot <3

The harsh neon light illuminated the cracks on the tiled floor as Alec focussed on the thin lines that criss crossed around the room. He looked up from the floor to check the time on his watch once again. He was sure it must be broken; the hands seem to be moving impossibly slow.   
His appointment wasn’t until half nine but he had already been up for hours and had arrived ten minutes early. Someone was already in the room before him and he could hear the sound of muffled voices through the wall; the voices too low to hear properly. Checking his watch again, he saw that he had only been sitting in the hard cold chair for four minutes. He had never been very patient but this was worse. As much as he hated to admit it, he was terrified. Of what, he wasn’t sure. He was a cop, he had faced real danger and risked his life for the job but somehow, this felt much more real.  
He had asked Lydia if she could make an appointment for him, afraid that he would never do it himself. As a result, he exactly know much about the therapy he would be meeting for in four minutes. Lydia had of course sent him all the info but he had been too tense to look at the email, instead just taking note of the time and place.   
At that moment, the door behind him opened and a middle aged, short woman stepped out. She looked kind but put together and professionnel. She held her hand out for Alec to shake, introduced herself and guided Alec into the room.   
“Hello. Mister Lightwood, right?” Alec nodded as he stood awkwardly in front of the chair. There was a desk in one corner of the room and in the other, a couch and two armchairs arranged around a small table with a box of tissues on it. “Good. I am Miss Rumil. Please sit wherever you feel most comfortable.” Choosing the closest armchair, Alec sat while the therapist settled in the chair opposite him.   
“So, is this your first time seeing a therapist?”   
“Personally, yes.” Alec had been expecting this question and had his answer thought out and ready to go. So far, it had mostly gone as he had imagined it in his head, which it was okay.   
“Can you explain what you mean by that, please?”  
“Oh, um. I am a cop and we have to do routine check up with psychologists and stuff to make sure we are stable and able to do the job.”   
“Okay, I would like to ask you about your job, but first, could you perhaps tell me about yourself? Only if you feel comfortable, of course. If you don’t for now, then that is completely fine. We can discuss whatever you feel comfortable talking about. It is important that you know, everything that happens here is under your terms. You are in control.”  
Alec hadn’t expected that just not talking about himself would even be an option, but he knew he would have to give the doc at least something if he wanted her to be able to help him. “Um, okay. I don’t mind. What exactly is it you want to hear about?”   
“Maybe you could tell me about your family. Growing up? Where you are from?” She smiled neatly. “What you do when you are not out keeping us safe?”   
Alec sat back slightly and crossed his leg over the over. “Okay. I grew up a couple hours out of the city. It was quiet; not much happened. I always wanted to be a cop, so when I moved to New York, I saw all the cops in their uniforms and I knew that was what I wanted to do. As for family, I live with my daughter, Zoe, and Lydia. I also work in the same building as my sister, so we see each other regularly.”  
“Oh you have a daughter. How old is she?” Alec smiled. Zoe was something he was always happy to talk about, even if he knew that the woman might want to know about his somewhat strange family situation with Lydia and Zoe.  
“She is twelve. Turning thirteen this weekend.”   
“Oh, that is a big birthday! I am sure it must be quite a stressful event.” Alec smiled. It was but Lydia had been doing most of the planning and stressing so he could take a little time. “Do you mind if I ask how old you were when you had Zoe?”   
“Oh, I was eighteen. It was stupid really. Me and my girlfriend were drunk, she got pregnant but wanted to keep the baby and give it a better life than we had both had.”   
“Okay, and this girlfriend, is it the Lydia you mentioned?”  
“Yeah, yeah. We aren’t together anymore. I came out as gay after she told me she was pregnant, but we are best friends and live and work together. We may not be the most traditional family but we have each other's backs and we have Zoe together.”   
“Families come in all shapes and sizes. Yours sounds like a happy and loving one and that is all that matters. If your sister involved in Zoe’s life?” She scribbled something down that Alec couldn’t see.  
“Oh yeah, Isabelle loves Zoe and she and Lydia are close. They didn’t see eye to eye at first but they grew to be good friends and enjoy gossiping about my lack of love life.”   
“That is good. I take it then that you do not have a romantic partner?”   
“No, not right now. Dating is hard because of my job and when I am not at work I am with Zoe.”   
“Of course. You already have a busy life. You talked about your sister and mentioned that you wanted your child to have a better life than you had. Do you feel comfortable telling me about your parents and your life before you left home?”   
“Um. I am not sure I want to talk about just yet. Is that alright?” Alec looked down at his hands. She had been easy to talk to so far and he knew that he would have to talk about his parents at some point but he didn’t think he could do it just yet.   
“Of course. That is perfectly alright. Why don’t you tell me some more about Zoe and your sister Isabelle?” Alec exhaled and uncrossed his arms as he relaxed into his seat and started talking.

He wasn’t sure how long he talked but he was sure it was more than he had in the past year. He felt pleasantly light as he stepped out into the bright sunlight, the sun having come out from behind the clouds that it had been hiding behind all week while he was in the office. They hadn’t talked about his parents, the drinking or the sex problems, but still he felt as if a load had been lifted from his chest. He had a second appointment set for the following week and maybe then he could start talking about some of the darker moments of his life. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe she could help him.   
While he was still feeling light and rarely optimistic for the future, he pulled out his phone. Before he could talk himself out of it, he hit dial.   
“Magnus! I didn’t mean to disturb you, I know you must be busy.”  
“Nonsense, Alexander. I am never too busy to talk to you. Is everything alright?”   
“Yeah, absolutely. Everything is great actually. That is why I am calling. I just had my first appointment with a therapist and I know that I probably would have never gone if I hadn’t met you and you hadn’t helped me out that night. Anyways, I have to go to work now but I just wanted to thank you.”   
“I am glad to hear that, Alexander, and even if it may not mean much, I am proud of you.”  
“Thank you, Magnus. It does mean something. I have to go now but I hope you have a good day.”  
“You too. And one last thing before you go, I am glad that we met as well.” Magnus hung up the phone but Alec didn’t put it away straight away, instead holding it to his ear a couple minutes, smiling like an idiot before he realised he was going to be late for work if he didn’t get a move on. 

***

“Darkwood! Branwell! My office! Now!” Alec turned to Lydia but she apparently didn’t know why they were being called to the captain’s office. They both made their way over, unsure what reception would be waiting for them inside.   
“Close the door behind you, Lydia.” The captain was sitting behind her desk. Everything looked the same as it always had, except for a newly framed picture on the desk of two women in wedding dresses, one of the them very obviously Jia’s daughter. Alec had never met her but the resemblance was impossible to ignore.   
“How is the case going?” Alec and Lydia exchanged another look. The captain didn’t normally ask about ongoing cases as if she wanted to know about them, she could just look at the files.  
“Isabelle is still running the comparison test between the DNA samples we got from the scene and from Clary Fray. We are expecting the results some time this afternoon. As of now, that is our only lead. We have a couple of suspects, but no evidence to pin, so the DNA is our only chance at a breakthrough as of now.”  
“Okay, well I hope you get something from the test. I know this is a hard one but I need you to figure it out.”  
“Of course, Captain. We aren’t giving up anytime soon.”   
“Very well, Darkwood.” She hesitated as the turned the lid of her pen and tilted her head. “It is your daughter’s birthday this weekend, isn’t it?”   
Alec nodded. “Yes it is. She is turning thirteen.”   
“They do grow up so fast. Mine just got married. It was a beautiful ceremony and she married the love of her life, but still, I can’t help but see her as the little girl who I used to make cookies with.” She sighed with a smile, looking at the photo on her desk. She allowed herself a moment and composed herself, lifting her chin and regaining her stern ‘captain’ voice. “Alright, enough reminiscing. Have fun this weekend. You are dismissed.” 

About an hour later, Izzy arrived at their desks with the results in her hands.  
“So what do you want first, good news or bad news?”  
Alec grumbled. “Just tell us what you got, Iz.”   
“All right, all right.” Izzy sat down on the chair at the end of Alec’s side of the desk. “You guys are no fun. I ran the sample I got from the crime scene against the sample that Clary Fray gave you and it was not a match. The DNA needs to be a ninety eight percent match for me to be able to declare that Clary was at the scene of the crime and although that is not the case, I did get a partial match between the two and from that I am confident enough to declare that the person you are looking for is a direct relative of Clary Fray. And more than that, it is a male relative.”  
Lydia took the file and opened the cover. “Are you sure, Izzy?”   
“Absolutely. DNA doesn’t lie. I hope this helps you guys find out who killed Jace.”   
Alec nodded. “Thanks, Iz, you did good. This will definitely help.” 

Finding out about Clary’s family tree was unsurprisingly complicated and neither Clary nor Jocelyn had answered the phone when Lydia had called. “I am going to go get a cup of coffee, you want one?”  
Alec looked up from his computer, Lydia was in front of his desk, on her way to the break room. “Um, yeah, sure. Thanks.”   
All Lydia wanted was a cup of coffee, but apparently that had been too much to ask for. As she stepped into the break room, she found Aldertree, Raj and Underhill sitting on the sofa, eyes fixed on the screen in the corner. At least, the two of them were looking at the screen while Underhill seemed to be looking just under, as if he didn’t want to see what had captured the other two men’s attention, and he didn’t want them to notice.   
Determined to not let herself be provoked into another fight with the idiots, Lydia kept her back to the group as she got two mugs and started making the coffee. As hard as she tried, and truthfully, she wasn’t trying very hard, the conversation that made its way to her ears and soon had her turning around, ready to break some skulls.   
“Fuck, would you look at the rack on her! I definitely wouldn’t mind getting my hands on those!” Lydia’s mind was filled with words of anger and disgust as she saw exactly what they were looking at. Raj was holding his phone, instagram open on the page of a beautiful woman Lydia immediately recognised.   
“There is a lot I wouldn’t mind doing to her. Where did you say you met her already?”   
“At the Hunter’s Moon. She is the new bartender they hired. Said her name was Maia.”   
“Fine.” as Aldertree reached over to scroll down the feed, his eyes went wide with the next picture. Of course, the first thing he saw was the abundance of skin, visible given the bikini the women were wearing. But soon enough, he realised the dark skinned beauty wasn’t alone in the picture. Her arms were tightly wrapped around a laughing blonde woman.   
Lydia froze at the picture. It had been years since that trip and it was one of the last pleasant memories she had with Maia. They had broken up a week later, after coming back from their week in paradise. The tension was only noticeable to her; The way a tiny space was visible between them. Undetectable.  
By this point, the three men had seen Lydia glaring at the phone, and before anyone could make a sound, Underhill had grabbed the phone and locked it, the picture disappearing from view as the screen went black.   
“Come on, enough of this! Let’s go back to work. Now!” If the other two men were going to complain, they didn’t get a chance. Underhill had each of them by an arm and out of the room before they could protest.  
Lydia was suddenly standing alone.   
Alec watched her strangely was she walked back to her desk ,but didn’t say anything or ask about the coffee she seemed to have forgotten about. The look on her face was enough to tell him something had happened and she would tell him if and when she felt like it. 

The day was almost over by the time Lydia suddenly stood up, almost topling her chair as she came over to Alec’s desk.  
“We have spent all day looking for birth records and family connections for Clary Fray, right?”  
Alec looked up. “Yeah, of course…”  
“What if we have been looking for the wrong person? Or at least the wrong name?”   
Alec rubbed his eye. “What do you mean?” Before she could answer though, Alec remembered the one tiny detail they hadn’t thought of. It was obvious really and he should have thought of it earlier. “Clarissa Fairchild! That is the name Jocelyn gave us! It must have been the name she put on Clary’s birth certificate!”   
“Exactly.” The database was already open on his computer, so Alec only had to search for the new name. A single entry popped up. Clarissa Fairchild. Only child of Jocelyn Fairchild and Valentine Morgenstern. “Well, it looks like we can call the judge and get a warrant for the arrest of Valentine Morgenstern. This is evidence that we needed. He is going down.”  
Alec smiled at Lydia’s words. They had been looking into Valentine even before this case but there had never been any evidence to pin him to a crime. Now, it finally looked like the lawyer was about to fall from his white horse. 

***

As they opened the front door of their house, Alec and Lydia were greeted by the sound of loud music, coming from Zoe’s closed bedroom door.   
“Zoe, we’re home! And the music is too loud!” Lydia’s call wasn’t answered but Alec could swear the volume on the music had been turned up.   
“I got this. Have a drink, order dinner. I am on dad duty tonight.”   
“Thanks.” As Lydia made her way to the kitchen, Alec hung up his coat before making his way to Zoe’s room. He knocked on the door and waited.   
“Come in.” He could barely hear the muffled invitation over the music but quickly opened the door to see Zoe face down on her bed. She had her phone hooked up to the speakers that she had begged for last Christmas.   
Alec sat in the old armchair they had installed when Zoe has a baby. It had somehow survived the many updates the room had gone through over the years.   
“What’s going on, baby girl?” He didn’t get an answer but he could see Zoe was hiding her face from him. “You know, I don’t like talking about my feelings either. Especially when something is bothering me. But recently, I have learnt that sometimes we can’t understand our own thoughts unless we talk about them. And even if you don’t want to talk to me about it, you can always talk if you want to. I will always be here to listen, or your mom, or even your aunty Izzy.” They sat in silence for a couple of minutes and Alec was considering leaving when Zoe turned towards him.   
“Dad, is it okay if I don’t have a big party for my birthday this year?”  
Alec was surprised at the question. Zoe’s birthday party had been the last thing on his mind, but he made sure he face didn’t betray his surprise and instead smiled at his daughter.  
“Of course it is, baby girl. Your mom was only organising it because she thought it was what you wanted, like last year. We both thought you had fun. Did something happen?”   
“I am going to be the oldest kid at school and some of kids were making fun of me, saying I was too stupid to go to high school like the other kids my age. Now no one wants to be my friend and I hate school, I don’t want to go but even when I am at home, you and mom are never here. And I hate Kelly. She said that you and mom could get shot someday and I don’t want to lose you…”   
Alec sat down on the bed. “Zoe, baby girl. Look at me, It is going to be okay. Nothing is going to happen to me or your mom. We love you, alright? And I promise we will both be just fine. As for school, ignore them all. You are beautiful, and amazing and strong. Alright? You are perfect and so, so smart. You may not feel this way now but soon you will see that none of this will matter. Time makes everything better and you will be just fine.”  
Zoe moved closer to Alec.“Thank you, Dad. You think for my birthday we could just go to the zoo? Just you, me and Mom?”   
“Yeah, Zoe, I think that would be a great plan. Now come on, let’s turn off the music and go see if your mom needs help setting the table.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual please comment, it really does mean the world to me and keeps me writing because it isn't always easy.


	9. Through Another's Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot can happen in a day depending on who's eyes you look through.

*Simon* :

Why did his alarm clock always ring so damn early?! There had to be a design flaw that made it ring systematically right before his dream would start to get good.  
A pillow firmly pressed to his face, hiding him from the painfully bright screen of his phone, he reached around blindly before he found it. He hit snooze and sighed as the loud music finally stopped. He just needed a couple of minutes and then he would get up and start his day.  
Just a couple minutes. 

Light seeped through the curtains as he bolted upright. Surely it had only been a couple of minutes since he had hit snooze? His alarm was about to ring again and his day would start. Grabbing his phone from where it lay on his bedside table, Simon gulped. He was in trouble. It hadn’t been a couple of minutes after all. It had been thirty, for a matter of fact, and he was about to be seriously late.  
He now had ten minutes to get ready and get outside if he wanted to make it to class. Luckily, Simon was something of a professional at getting ready under great duress; a skill some would see he had achieved by years of practice.  
He preferred to believe that he was simply gifted.  
“Ten minutes on the timer and the pressure is on. Come on, Lewis, time to show us what you got.”  
Simon liked his FBI agent and since he had covered his webcam, the least he could do was keep him informed on his activities.  
Okay, Simon, you can do this.  
Turn coffee machine on. Let it preheat while you run to the shower... Turn on water. Grab mug from kitchen. Set Mug down by coffee machine, back to the bathroom. Okay, water is now the... perfect temperature. In and out in two minutes; done and done. Quick towel dry. Clothes. Grab the first pair of black jeans in this... pile of identical black jeans. Coffee is ready and smelling great! Just pour it in the mug and… add a little milk. My shirt is currently on my… aha! ...desk. Pulling. It... on. Quick dash to the bathroom. Brush teeth. Wipe wet hair out of face. Run back to the kitchen. Shoes on. Grab coffee. “Fuck!” Pour burning hot coffee all down self. Not. On. The. List, Simon! And we were doing so well! Okay, this is going to set us back several precious minutes if we don’t think fast. Right, this is fine. Just pull your now wet shirt over your head. Be glad no one else is here and use it to... quickly mop up the coffee off the floor and wipe the side of mug clean. First clean shirt from the closet and we’re off. That wasn’t a total disaster so consider it a job well done!  
All in all, he was only three minutes over time. 

When he arrived at his classroom, all of the kids were in their seats and waiting. Dammit.  
“Hey, guys. Sorry I’m late. Now who’s ready to speak French? Allons y, c’est partie les amis.” 

The good thing about ten years olds is that they don’t notice or care about their teacher showing up a couple of minutes late and looking like he had just rolled out of bed. Older sisters, however, tend to not be quite as cool.  
“You look your usual self little brother, and I don't mean that as a compliment. You arrive on time this morning?”  
“Nearly…” Simon loved his sister, despite her sometimes forgetting she was indeed his sister and not his mother, but she had gotten him a position teaching French twice a week in the school where she worked and was pretty much the only person making sure he didn’t burn his apartment, and the whole block down, by forgetting to turn the oven off, so he guessed that he should be thankful.  
Getting up from the sofa he had flopped into as soon as he had walked into the teacher’s lounge, he went over to Becky and kissed her check.  
“Love ya, Sis. Promise I won’t be late next week. Gotta go now. Gotta get ready for the big interrogation this afternoon.”  
“Love you, too, and please try to be on time…. Simon !!!” by the time she caught on to his actions, he was already out the door; the last muffin Becky had been hoarding on her desk now firmly in his hand. He needed this muffin and wasn’t about to let himself be caught. 

The muffin may have delayed his death by startating but he still didn’t want to take too many risks, so his next stop was the cat cafe next to his apartment. It had all he could wish for. Great cake, strong coffee and sleepy cats. Of course, he was a regular.  
Five minutes later he was sat, a sleeping kitten on his lap, a warm cup of coffee in his hand and a large slice of pie before him. Absolute perfection and just what he needed to mentally prepare for what was still to come.  
Simon had studied languages at university before flying off to Paris for five years. When he had gotten back home, he had had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. Becky had gotten a job in good teaching at a small public school and she had talked to some people to get him a position teaching French two hours a week. It didn’t pay the rent but he loved the language and working with kids had been a pleasant surprise. He had been working at the diner next to his apartment but the owner had just announced that he was selling and moving to the countryside so Simon was once again in search of a job.  
Luckily, he had been awake in the middle of the night when the announcement had gone up on the job finding app he had downloaded.

Next on his calendar is an interview with a Lydia Branwell. He really wished now that he wasn’t wearing a purple shirt. The black one he had first put on this morning probably would have been more appropriate, but he didn’t want to chance being late and he probably would be if he went home to change now. Besides, purple was fun and fun is good when you are going to be taking care of a teenager, right? Hopefully.  
The pulled up the address he had saved and decided he had the time to walk there.  
The house he arrived in front of seemed nice enough. What you would expect of the typical family; nothing too fancy but still a nice little house in a pleasant neighbourhood.  
He knocked on the door and a pretty blonde lady came to open it. She was dressed casually, in a plain white T-shirt and a pair of dark jeans. The shirt had obviously been ironed and not a single hair was out of place; perfectly smoothed in a high ponytail. Everything about her screamed control. She showed him into a tidy and pleasant kitchen and despite his initial assumptions about her, she smiled warmly and invited him to sit opposite her at the dining table.  
“So, Mister Lewis, I have looked over your resume and since you called within an hour of me putting up the offer, you are the first person I have talked to about the position. We have just had to part ways with the woman who used to look after Zoe and we do need to find someone fast. Although, finding someone who is a good fit is more important than simply finding someone fast, as the welfare of our daughter is the main objective.”  
“Of course, I understand completely. As you can see on the resume I sent you, I have experience babysitting from when I was in uni and I now work a couple of hours a week at the local school teaching french. I have never been a full or part time nanny but I love kids, am responsible and truly want to make sure all parties are comfortable and happy.”  
“I appreciate that Mister Lewis-”  
“-You can call me Simon.” Simon could tell the minute he interrupted the woman, Lydia he thought her name was, that he had made a mistake, but he did have a bit of a habit of putting his foot in his mouth when he was stressed, and this interview was most definitely stressful.  
“All right, Simon, as I was saying, I like your credentials and you seem like a kind and friendly person. I have already done my research on you and nothing negative came up. Your past employers only had positive options of you.” Simon was more than a little surprised that she had called his past employers. He was pretty sure that wasn’t common procedure, but at least no one had anything negative to say about him. “Therefore, I think we can discuss hours and schedules and introduce you to Zoe. If everything goes well, I see no reason not to hire you.”  
“Oh thank you, Lydia. I mean Miss Branwell, umm Lydia Branwell.” Cutting himself off before he could make more of an idiot of himself, Simon stopped talking and stared down at his hands. After a couple of tense seconds of silence, he looked up to see his potential future boss staring at the papers before her; the hit of a smile on her lips.  
“Lydia is fine. Now both I and Zoe’s father are police detectives, and as such have particular hours. Most of the time we have the same schedule, even if that can sometimes change. Zoe’s aunt sometimes watches her but if we are working, and Zoe is not at school, then you will be responsible for her. I will, of course, provide you with a copy of both our schedules as well as Zoe’s school schedule. You would have to pick her up after school and bring her back here. Does that sound okay?”  
“Yes, yes that sounds perfect. Good, I mean, as I said I only teach a couple hours a week and those are during the day so Zoe should be at school.”  
“Perfect. In that case, would you like to meet Zoe?”  
Ff meeting the mom had been intimidating, Simon knew meeting the daughter would be the true test, and ultimately the one that mattered most, but he had yet to meet a kid he couldn’t make friends with. Becky would say it was because he was a child himself but he preferred to believe that he simply had a gift.  
And it would seem that he was right. Zoe seemed like a nice kid, a little reversed but that was to be expected, and Lydia seemed satisfied from where she stood in the kitchen.  
“Everything going alright? What do you think Zo?”  
“Yeah, he is fine. Better than Kelly.”  
Simon assumed from the context that Kelly must have been Zoe’s previous nanny, and by the tone of the girl’s voice and Lydia’s face at the mention of her name, he was guessing they did not part on the best of terms.  
“Okay then, Mister Lewis, thank you for coming today. I will call you before the end of the week to let you know.”  
“Thank you, Miss Branwell. It was a pleasure meeting you and you too, Zoe.”  
It is always hard to tell with things like this that involved kids and their parents, but Simon thought it had gone pretty well. As he stepped out into the street, blinded by the sudden sunlight he walked into something solid and heard someone yelp.  
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you, did I hurt you? I am so sorry… “ Simon’s apology trailed off as he realised just what he had walked into. He was pretty sure his mouth was hanging wide open but he wasn’t sure if there was anything he could do about that for standing right in front of him was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen or imagined. At first glance, she was beautiful; everything a man could want. Perfect skin, dark long hair, perfect figure and eyes that looked at you as if she knew your darkest secret.  
Once he recovered from the shock of her sudden appearance in front of him, he realised not only was she beautiful but she was sensational. Her hair was as dark as night and shining with the light of a thousand stars, the navy knee length dress she was wearing hugged every curve, as if she had been carved in stone, a statue of the goddess of love. She was short, her black stilettos bringing her to just under Simon’s chin and her face… it was the face of an angel. He had never seen such perfection. Raw beauty polished and made shiny with flawless makeup and an outfit made to kill. Her blood red lips were curved into an amused smile and her dark eyes shined with a mischief that made him a little uneasy. She was a vision and he had most definitely been staring for way too long.  
“Oh, my, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stare like that… you are just… You. You’re just…. Very pretty.” If Simon could be swallowed up by the earth right then, then he would have gladly surrendered his life to avoid this conversation.  
“Well, thank you. It’s not every day that I get complimented so elegantly by strangers in the street.” There it was again; a hint of mischief in her eyes. She was trouble and Simon knew he would do anything to see the small smile on her lips turn into a laugh. He was sure she would be breathtaking while she laughed.  
“Really? It should be!” God, he really needed to learn to shut up. “Umm, sorry again for walking into you and being weird. It was a real pleasure meeting you, ummm…”  
“Isabelle.” Simon wiped his hand on his jeans before reaching out to take the offered hand in his and shake it. Her skin was so soft, the handshake strong but delicate, and he was getting distracted again…  
“Simon.”  
“Well Simon, I was a pleasure being walked into by you. I hope we can do it again sometime.” and just like that she was gone, stepping around Simon and disappearing into the building he had just came out of. 

***

*Maia* :  
On mornings like this, it was very hard for Maia to remember why she forced herself to go running at seven o’clock. Very, very hard. Nevertheless, she dragged herself out of bed and to the kitchen to make coffee. She kept her running clothes organised precisely for mornings like this, so she could pull on a pair of leggings and a hoodie without really having to open her eyes. She drank down her coffee in two sips. The first cup was never for enjoyment; just survival. She could enjoy her other coffee when she got in from her run.  
Her running shoes were by the door and with her keys and phone securely in her pocket, she set off into the still dark city.  
She had been running this route every day for the past two weeks, and her feet followed the way automatically, giving her time to sort out her head. The cold morning air had done its job in waking her up, but her head was still a jumbled mess. Between the excessively long paper she was expected to send in before the end of the week, picking up extra shifts at work so she could pay the stupidly high New York rent, and being in the same city as her ex for the first time since the breakup, it was a lot.  
She picked up her speed as she raced through the empty streets. In only half an hour, they would be packed full with busy businessmen and angry shoppers, but this was her moment of peace, just the city and her. And she loved it.  
As she ran, the sun slowly started to rise. From where she stood, she could see the city slowly waking up below her, the sun slowly warming her cold skin. There was a single old bench before her and Maia sat for a minute, her eyes closed as she enjoyed the feeling of the sun on her skin; the promise of a new day only just beginning. When she opened her eyes, she was no longer in the streets; the city having woken up as she sat. She didn’t mind the noise, in fact she rather enjoyed the constant hum of the always busy city. She had had her moment of quiet. Now she had shit to get done. Turning back to where she came from, she ran back to her flat and to the responsibilities and choices waiting for her there. 

“Fluffy, move! Come on, boy. You are cute but I can’t cuddle you right now. I’m busy!” Maia was now on her third cup of coffee and this paper was far from being written. Of course, having a sleeping cat spread out on her laptop wasn’t exactly helping.  
Deciding that cat cuddles were probably just what she needed to make this whole process much easier, Maia put down the book she had been trying to read and instead picked up her sleepy and attention craving cat.  
Taking an online course and finishing her diploma had seemed like a great idea once, but the reality of working every night and trying to complete the final year of her studies in under six months was taking its toll.  
Four years ago, she had been young, top of her class in the best marine biology program of the country, and in love. Then all hell had broken loose and she had somehow lost it all. Without her parents paying the bills, she hadn’t been able to complete her final year of university and after a stupid fight, she had walked away and never seen Lydia again. She thought about those days a lot. She had done the work and made the money to enroll in an online college to finish her diploma but she didn’t know if she could ever fix things with the blonde beauty. Of course, they had both made mistakes, but more than anything, Maia wished that she hadn’t walked away. That she had just stayed long enough to give them a chance.  
Pulled out her thoughts by the cat in her arms, angry that he didn’t seem to have all of her attention, she turned back to her desk and to the scattered papers and books that she was trying to turn into a logical argumentation. Obviously, it wasn’t going too well. If she was being honest, the problem wasn’t so much the paper itself but rather her lacking in concentration, but Maia had never been a fan of being honest with herself about stuff she would rather ignore so she decided she had done enough for today and it was about time she got ready for work. 

Since she had some extra time, she decided to skip the busy underground and walk to the Hunter’s Moon. It was only a twenty minute walk and the late afternoon was warm and sunny. With her headphones on and music on loud, she could almost ignore the bustle of rush hour and just exist in her own bubble.  
Consequently, Maia was in a rather good mood when she arrived at the small bar where she worked five nights out of seven. Bat waved at her from behind the bar. He was a nice kid, only eighteen, but his uncle owned the bar so he worked there in the afternoons after school. Maia didn’t mind him but he was a chatterer and Maia was most definitely not.  
“You’re here early.” Maia couldn’t help but smile. She was exactly two minutes early.  
“Yes, well, I couldn’t stand it any longer. Just needed to see your cute little face.” she knew she shouldn't tease the boy but it was just so easy and she had already made it very clear that despite the boy’s crush, nothing would happen between them. What was the harm in having a little fun?  
Bat of course blushed and went to hide in the back room, under the pretext that he had to finish count before he left. Putting away her coat and bag, Maia got ready behind the bar. It was a sunny Friday and she was already expecting a busy night.

Maia hadn’t been wrong when she thought that the bar would be busy, but that didn’t make navigating everyone’s orders, and making sure all the drunk assholes got their drink faster than humanly possible, any easier. She was about to punch someone when she heard a soft voice call her name.  
Maia froze. She recognised the voice. After all, how could she not? She even knew that now they were both in the city again, she could run into Lydia at any moment, but she had not been expecting that time to be right now.  
She turned slowly, almost hoping that she had heard the voice wrong, but Lydia was indeed behind her.  
“Lydia… hi. It has been a while. How are you? How is Zoe?”  
“Hi. We are all good. How about you?”  
“Good. I’m good.”  
“That’s good.” The two stood awkwardly. They were both good. The word good had been said too much and neither knew what to say.  
“Umm, why don’t sit down? There should be an empty table in the back. I am a little busy now but it should quiet down a bit soon if you want to talk…”  
Lydia nodded. “Thanks, that would be great.”  
“Okay, I’ll bring you a drink while you wait. Gin fizz?”  
“Yes, please.” Lydia smiled as Maia led her to an empty table and went off to make her her favourite drink, but as soon as the other woman had her back turned, she started to freak out. Isabelle had finally succeeded in talking her into coming here. In finally getting her to talk with Maia. 

Back behind the bar, Maia waved Gretel, the other girl that worked the Friday night shift, over, and asked if she could manage the bar for a second as she went out for a bit of air. Gretel, like Maia, appreciated the need for privacy and so she didn’t ask for any details. Maia’s expression told her all she needed to know.  
“Sure, I got it.”  
Maia thanked her but the silver haired girl had already turned back to the regulars at the bar.  
Dipping out the back door, Maia breathed in the fresh night’s air for a minute. She would go back in, sit down opposite Lydia and they would talk. She knew that she owed Lydia that much, but despite the years, that night still remained painfully clear in her mind.  
It had been a stupid fight really. The two had met in their early twenties. Lydia had just dropped out of university, furious that all the whisperers had been proven right. She hadn’t been able to balance being a young mother and her diploma. As hard as she worked, she simply didn’t have enough time, she was already living in a crappy apartment with her gay best friend who also happened to be the father of her child and while he had worked so she could finish university, they had both known that his crappy salary wasn’t enough to support the three of them. They were drowning and they both knew that they no longer had families to run back to. It was then that she met Maia. Maia had been a wild spirit, doing what she wanted when she wanted to. She was free and beautiful and Lydia fell in love fast. They fought often and said awful things but they would always make up and their passion would erase the angry words. They continued this way for a year and it was messy and complicated but they had been in love and no matter what was said, they always came together. That was, of course, until they didn’t.  
As she was about to start her final year of university, Maia’s parents had showed up at her apartment. However, if wasn’t Maia who had opened the door for them but Lydia, hair a mess and dressed only in an oversized shirt. Maia had never mentioned her parents to Lydia before and given the hell that broke out following the unexpected introduction, she soon understood why. The fight was violent. Maia’s parents were homophobic assholes and Maia had been living a lie her entire life. She had screamed. Her parents had screamed. Lydia had stepped in to defend her but when her mother slapped the woman she loved, Maia had lost it. The next day, she refused an email, all of her accounts had been terminated. She had nothing.  
Her parents had cut her off.  
No matter how much anger she held towards her parents, Maia had never expected her parents to cut her out of their lives like that. What would she do? Her apartment was in their names. She had never worked a day in her life and now she had nothing left. Lydia had tried to be there for her. When she herself had told her parents that she was pregnant, she was told to never come home again. She understood what Maia was going through but Maia didn’t want to be confronted. She wanted to be angry. She was so, so angry, but what could she do about it? Nothing. And so, she lashed out, turning her anger to the only person still by her side.  
She didn’t know how the fight had started. It was something stupid. The two women both had a temper but things had soon gotten out of hand. Maia had never learnt to stop herself before she went too far and so she ruined the only good thing in her life.  
“Who the hell do you think you are to talk about my parents!? Don’t you realise this is all your fault!? I was just fine, happy, and then you showed up and ruined my life. I wish I had never met you!” She had been expecting Lydia to strike back, to shout as she had shouted, but the blonde was silently watching her with tears in her eyes. She didn’t know if the tears were from anger or sadness, but in that instant, Maia realised she had fucked up.  
Lydia was out the door before she could say anything more. She was sure that she would be back, after all Lydia loved her. She would always come back.  
A month passed and several times, Maia would dial her number, but she could never bring herself to call. One night, she finally did. A mechanical voice informed her that the number had been disconnected. Next, she went to Lydia and Alec’s apartment. It was empty. She had knocked on the neighbor's door but the middle aged man had told them that they had moved out a week ago. Lydia was gone. And it was all her fault.

Taking one more deep breath, Maia made her way back inside and went straight over to where Lydia was waiting for her. She looked at her for a minute before sitting. She looked good, she always had, but now she was more polished. Controlled. With tight lips and an unreadable expression, she was very different from the loud girl she had been back then. And yet, when she noticed Maia and gave her a small smile, it was the exact same smile that Maia had once fallen in love with.  
“Sorry for making you wait.”  
“It’s fine. I have some time. Iz is with Zoe.” Maia didn’t know who ‘Iz’ was but she didn’t feel like she was in a position to be able to ask if she was Lydia’s girlfriend.  
“Okay then. How have you been all this time?”  
“I’m good. I went back to school and then entered the police. I’m a detective now. What about you?” Lydia hadn’t come for small talk, but she wasn’t sure what it was that she had come for, so she would have to make the awkward small talk and pretend like her heart wasn't broken once by the woman in front of her.  
“Oh, wow, that is amazing. You always did want to help people. I have been good. I got a job, made my own life, and I am currently working on finishing my diploma.” They were silent for a minute. What more could they say? Communication had never been their strong suit. After what felt like an eternity, Maia mustered up all the courage she had and raised her head to meet Lydia’s eye.  
“I’m sorry.” It was so sad she wasn’t sure that Lydia had even heard her, but she had, of course she had. They had both been waiting to have this conversation for more than five years. Maia continued before she could persuade herself to go back out again. “I’m sorry for what I said, that night, but also all the other nights. I was a spoilt brat and didn’t deserve any of that.”  
“We both said some things…” Maia knew Lydia was trying to take some of the blame but she knew she was at fault here.  
“Let me finish. I am sorry for what I said, all the times I was mean, but most of all for what I said that night. I could never… I didn’t… I’m sorry. And I’m more sorry than anything that I didn’t come to find you sooner. I did come but you were already gone. I shouldn’t have waited so long.” She hung her head then, waiting for Lydia’s reaction.  
“I’m also sorry for what I said, but mainly for leaving. For not talking it through and for just giving up on us. I was hurt and I wanted you to hurt as well, so I left.”  
“I can understand that. We always did have a habit of hurting each other.”  
“Yeah we did, but how could we do it otherwise when the make up sex was so good?” Maia laughed as the words left Lydia’s month. No matter how prim and proper she was now, under it all, she was still the fun loving, rough talking, kid that she had been when they were together.  
Maia didn’t know how long they talked, but eventually, the bar quieted down. Gretel never asked Maia to stop talking and do her job, instead routinely dropping drinks off at their table. It was comfortable. They talked about the good old days, about their new lives, and how time had a way to change everything. Finally, Lydia got up.  
“I have got to go now, but I am glad I came. It was great seeing you, Maia. I missed you and I am glad we talked.”  
“Yeah, I’m glad you came as well. It was amazing to see you.” Lydia smiled and waved goodbye to the woman behind the bar who had picked up the slack for Maia for the night. She had just made it outside when Maia ran up behind her.  
“Lydia, wait!” As she turned back towards the door, Maia stepped up to her, closing the distance and lightly pressing her lips to Lydia's. The kiss was short and sweet, but it was also unexpected.  
“What..?” Maia hadn’t stepped back yet and was stroking Lydia’s hair out of her face. She took her time, running her hand down Lydia’s frozen face before answering.  
“I just wanted to do that, Just one more time. In case this is goodbye. I figured we should have a proper goodbye. I should have ran after you that night, Lydia, and I couldn’t let you go now without you knowing just how much I loved you. How much I will always love you.” Lydia didn’t answer. She hadn’t moved since Maia had kissed her, but she brought her hand up to cup Maia’s check and leaned forwards to reconnect their lips. This kiss wasn’t as chaste as the first, it was heated and desperate, but much too soon and so, Lydia pulled away. She didn’t know what would happen in the future or if she and Maia could be together again after all that had happened, but she was excited to find out.  
“Goodbye, Maia. Maybe we could do this again… catch up, I mean.” Maia still hadn’t fully recovered from the kiss but the smile on her lips was bright.  
“I would like that. Goodbye, Lydia.”


	10. What If There Is No Tomorrow ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did you say it?   
"I love you." "I don't ever want to live without you." "You changed my life."  
Did you say it?  
Make a plan. Set a goal. Work towards it, but every now and then look around; Drink it in, cause this is it.  
It might all be gone tomorrow. (Grey's anatomy).
> 
> A girl's night in, a special date, how could it all change so fast? Will things ever be the same again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took me so long to write. I have been busy with school and wasn't feeling it but I would never abandon this fic.

Lydia slammed the morning papers back down on the kitchen paper. She shouldn’t have bothered looking, the story had been the same all week.   
“Circle CEO, Valentine Morgenstern, arrested for murder of secret daughter’s boyfriend.”   
Ever since Morgenstern’s surprise confession, the case had been all the presse could talk about, the poor Clary girl having to deal with the worst of it was she was followed everywhere by paparazzi and harassed for a comment.   
“Fucking vultures !! Can’t they just leave the poor alone to mourn?” Alec stayed concentrated on his half full coffee cup before him. He knew Lydia was frustrated, at the press, at the case and at Jia for insisting she take the rest of the week off work to rest after closing the case. He knew she didn’t believe Valentine’s confession and as much as he agreed something seemed off with this whole case, they had no proof and Valentine Morgenstern was to be sentenced the next week.   
“Mommm!” luckily Zoe’s voice interrupted the silence and pulled Lydia’s attention from Valentine and the case.   
Since having the week off during Zoe’s holidays, the two had been working on redecorating Zoe’s room, which in her opinion, was ‘too girly’ and needed to change. Lydia had been happy for the distraction and excuse to spend some time catching up with her daughter. 

Left alone in the kitchen, Alec finished his coffee in silence before placing it in the sink and throwing the newspaper Lydia had been reading in the trash. Despite not having yet been given a new case, he hadn’t been forced into taking some off and so was still expected at work in half an hour.  
“I’m off. See you this evening.” he heard what sounded like his daughter telling him to just leave already, from her room so assumed they had heard him.  
“Don’t forget Iz is coming over to help us get you ready for your big date tonight!” damn it. He had always made it out with Lydia mentioning his date. But of course he couldn’t be that lucky. And he knew the three of them would be unbearable when he got back from work. It almost made him wish he wasn’t going on the date at all. Almost. 

The morning passes in a flash, flipping through catalogues and picking paint colors. They had come to an agreement that Zoe could keep all her old furniture, with a new coat of paint and she could pick out new sheets, pillows and a couple accessories to make the room feel new and more adult.   
By time noon came around, the two women were exhausted and starving so they made their way to the kitchen for sandwiches. They had made all the important decisions and now just had to go to the shop and pick up their purchases. But that would have to be a job for tomorrow because Isabelle would be there soon for their girl’s night. 

Zoe is just finishing painting Izzy’s nails when the front door bangs open and Alec walks through it.  
“Daddd ! Finally, we have been waiting for you!”  
“Oh. Hello sweet pea. I didn’t realise I was on a schedule. Hey Iz, see you are here as well.” Alec had known his sister was coming over but still wasn’t ready to be pulled around as the three most important women of his life played dress up with him.   
“Of course. I couldn’t miss it. After all it isn’t everyday my big bro goes on an actual DATE.” God this was going to be even worse than he had imagined.   
“Lydia, please make sure they don’t go overboard. I don’t want to look like a clown.” he knew they only had his best interest at heart but Zoe was just a child and Isabelle’s dress style was a little more daring than most people, himself included, where confortable.   
“Of course. We got you. Now shut up and let us have our fun.” 

Half an hour later Alec was dressed, his hair pushed back and his beard neatly trimmed. He had to admit he was impressed. The black jeans and dark green v-neck sweater looked good together. He looked like he had made an effort but he still looked like himself.  
“Thanks guys. I have got to admit you did good.”   
“Of course we did. You look amazing, now go get your man.” Alec smiled at his sister, now that it was time to go and actually meet Magnus he was starting to feel nervous.   
“Yeah yeah, I am going. I won't be home too late.”   
“Don’t you come home too early either. Now go, have fun and stop overthinking so much.” Lydia’s words were gruff but also just what he needed to hear. He was overthinking, he always did but maybe it was time to silent to his family and just enjoy himself.   
Putting an arm around her shoulders, he planted a kiss on Lydia’s head before scooping Zoe up into his arms. Kissing the top of Izzy’s head as well as he passed her on the way to the door.  
“See you in the morning Sweet Pea and don’t go to sleep too late.” 

With plenty of popcorn and wine for the adults, the trio settled on the sofa, ready to rewatch Pretty woman.   
Zoe fell asleep about half way through the movie, they had been busy working all day and it was already pretty late.  
“So how has your week been? I know you hate not being at work but it must be nice to have some extra time with Zo.”   
“Yeah, it has been nice. I don’t like being benched but she grows up so fast and I feel like I miss it by being at work so much. We have been redoing her room because she says it is a bay room. But I still remember picking those colors with her. Painting the walls, sticking the stars on the ceiling. I remember it like it was yesterday.”   
“I know what you mean, I feel like every time I come has changed so much. But you are a great mom Lydia. I know you haven’t had the easiest of times but you have done such an amazing job with the cards you were dealt.”   
“Awww Iz. thanks. You are an amazing aunt. And I couldn’t ask for a better friend.” Isabelle pulled Lydia into her arms and they sat together, hugging, Zoe asleep next to Izzy for a while. 

Suddenly the moment was broken by the sound of Lydia’s phone ringing. Pulling out of the embrace, she took her phone from her pocket. The call was from a masked number.  
“Excuse me, I have to take this.” she took the phone into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her before answering.

Lydia was slightly pale when she came back out of her room but her face was set, determined.  
“Iz, could you stay with Zoe for a bit. I am sorry to cut our night short but there's something I have to do. It will only take about half an hour and then I will be back.”  
“Yeah of course I got her. But what is going on? Is everything all right?”   
“It’s fine. I’ll tell you about it when I get back, need to go now.” she could tell Isabelle still wanted to stop her as she grabbed her coat and gun but she didn’t have time. This could be the lead she was waiting for.

***

As soon as he saw Magnus through the restaurant window, all his fears slipped away. It was just Magnus, the man who had been nothing but kind to him, the man he had wanted to wrap his arms around since he had saved him from himself. His knight in shining armour.  
“Alexander. Hello, it is good to see you. You look very nice.”   
“Hi. thanks, you look.. Um, you look, wow.” he wasn’t even sitting down yet and he was already making a fool of himself. He needed to shut the hell up before he made it worse. But really what the hell was he supposed to say? Magnus didn’t just look good, that would be insulting, he looked like a god. The black leather pants, deep red shirt open just enough to show the golden necklaces lain over his chest. Frankly he was impressed he had been able to say anything at all and not just drop onto his knees before he man.  
“Would you like to sit maybe?” Alec’s checks burned red as he realised he had just been staring at Magnus this whole time. The other man didn’t seem to mind, if the blinding smile on his face was anything to go by but Alec was really hoping a meteor would fall out of the sky right now and put him out of his misery. 

Despite it’s rocky start, the meal went surprisingly well. Magnus was a born conversationalist and be it his companion’s warm smiles or the alcohol but Alec had started to relax and enjoy himself. 

Soon they were stumbling out of the restaurant, holding onto each other for balance and giggling happily as they waited for the uber Magnus had ordered.   
“I had a lot of fun tonight. And I don’t want to ruin a perfect evening but I also don’t want to say goodbye just yet. Care to come back with me? Have one last drink?”   
“I would love to.” as the uber pulled up before them, the pair climbed in together, tightly holding each other and sitting closer than was necessary.   
Alec recognised Magnus’ building as they pulled up. He was out the first, holding a hand out to help Magnus out.  
“Oh, such a gentleman.”   
“Of course. I couldn’t have you trip and fall now could I? You promised me a drink.” 

Alec was sitting on the couch opposite Magnus, he could just reach out and touch him. He wouldn’t even have to move. Finishing his drink, he decided to stop being a coward and leaned forward.   
Magnus was too shocked to react at first when Alec kissed him but as soon as he realised what was happening he responded with a fervor that surprised him.   
The kiss was sweet but intense and Magnus knew it wouldn’t take long for thinking to get out of hand.  
“Wait.” his voice was stained and breathless but it didn’t want either of them making a mistake they would regret in the morning.  
“What? Why? What’s wrong? I didn’t mean to upset you.”   
“You didn’t. You never could but I don’t want us going too fast. We are both drunk and I don't want you to wake up in the morning and regret this. I don’t just want to be a drunken mistake.”   
“Magnus. You could never be a mistake and much less a regret. I have wanted you ever since I first saw you in that interrogation. I have dreamed of touching your face, feeling your skin. I assure you I want you and it has nothing to do with the alcohol.”   
Slowly he brings his hand back up to cradle Magnus’ face. He wants him more than he has ever wanted anything else in his life but if Magnus wants to take things slow, then slow it is.   
Magnus however, it would seem, had all the reassurance he needed and stood up, moving in front of Alec and sitting on his lap, his arms instantly bounding around his neck and his lips claiming his.   
This kiss was full of passion and want, all hesitation gone.  
“Bedroom?”   
“Bedroom.” not breaking the kiss, Alec stood, Magnus still clinging to his neck. The man’s legs wrapped around him as he stood and he moved his hands down to grip Magnus’ hips and keep him in place.  
They stumbled a little but finally they made it to Magnus’ room, Alec letting himself fall back on the bed, Magnus sitting atop him.   
Rolling them once, Alec pins Magnus under his body and starts undoing the buttons of his shirt as Magnus licks the side of his neck.   
With Magnus’ shirt finally open and the skin he had gotten a glimpse of at the restaurant now fully bare before him, he set to work kissing down the carved, smooth chest.  
Alec is pulled out of his stupor by the sound of his phone ringing. He waits for it to go to voicemail. Refusing to turn his attention away from Magnus.  
“Are you going to answer that?”  
“No. you are all I care about right now. It can wait.” the phone rang a second time before finally going silent and LAec turned his full attention back to Magnus who moaned into his open mouth as his hands slipped into his tight pants.

***  
Lydia stared at her phone as she waited for Alec to call her back. She had come alone as the voice on the call had told her to, but now that she was in front of the abandoned warehouse she couldn’t help but feel uneasy.  
Dialing her partner’s number one again she sighed as she was once again sent to voicemail.  
“Hey Alec, it’s Lydia. I know you are on your date and I hate to disturb you but I got a tip. I am at the abandoned warehouse behind the big supermarket complex and I got a weird feeling about this. I could do with some backup. Hope you see this soon.”  
She waited five more minutes before pulling out her gun, clinking off the security and advancing into the dark building. 

***

As Alec lay panting beside Magnus, he can’t believe he didn’t do that sooner. Magnus was amazing, he had never felt anything quite like it.  
Once he had recovered his breath, he looked around for his discarded trousers and the phone he had ignored earlier.  
His heart jumped a little at seeing Lydia’s name displayed. She knew he was on a date and wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t important.

His blood ran cold as he listened to the message on his voicemail. Checking the time, he saw it had been left fifteen minutes ago. He could still get there, hopefully Lydia was still waiting for backup and hadn’t gone in alone.  
He didn’t have time to explain to Magnus, grabbing his clothes as fast as he could.  
“Sorry Magnus. I have to go. My partner. She needs me. I have to get to her.” he didn’t know what Magnus said in reply, he was already out the door, running as fast as he could.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed, it means the world to me and if you want to tweet about the fic, I will using the #BTMFic.  
Thanks for reading.


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